- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Why I Left You
Note: You can change font size, font face, and turn on dark mode by clicking the "A" icon tab in the Story Info Box.
You can temporarily switch back to a Classic Literotica® experience during our ongoing public Beta testing. Please consider leaving feedback on issues you experience or suggest improvements.
Click here
When the moments tick by
like soldiers march
and words refuse to come
from either of us,
I feel that too familiar dread
that always heralds
another argument.
And it is always the same:
I misunderstood or
I picked apart your words
and divined some meaning
that was not intended.
And tomorrow you will act
like tonight never happened,
and sigh and ask me
what is the matter now?
Don’t ask me.
I’m always wrong.
- COMMENTS
vrosej10about 13 years agoit need to go on a bit of a diet though. I got some advice a few years ago which has proven useful: every word in a poem should lift weight. That means that you should kind of concentrate your words, losing as many of the connective words as you can whilst still maintaining sense and not coming out sound like a telegraph. This one shows promise.
UnderYourSpellabout 13 years agoThe first thing that struck me was the use of the word 'And' at the beginning of sentences, rules even in poetry are made to be broken but I don't think your usage here helps much. It's a good read otherwise and I know just what you mean!
Angelineabout 13 years agoI like this: it's not overdecorated with language and yet there's a lot of meaning packed into the relatively few words you've chosen. Just my opinion, but I think you could lose a bit of excess verbiage that isn't contributing anything to the poem, like "by" in the first line and "And," where it starts lines. But overall a solid write with a strong ending. Thank you for the read!
