- Non-Erotic Poetry
- Years
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She waited, ignoring the skeptics
Soon, he promised
Weeks, months, she trusted
War wasn't predictable, so she believed
A year, then two, and three
The skeptics began to make sense
Yet he promised soon
Five years passed
He thanked her for her support
Said he would do anything for her
But she wanted more
'Soon' became 'sooner', then 'soonest'
He was on the way home, she believed it
Instead soonest turned to 'ASAP'
And more months passed
Doubts crept in to fight with her heart
She needed to believe
Not because he promised
But because she needed him to complete her dream
- COMMENTS
DesertPiratealmost 12 years agoAnother winner! After a while there have to be doubts. We shall see.
Desejoalmost 12 years agoI really like the idea of this. A couple of suggestions - just my opinion - and I do mean to be helpful. First stanza, consider "war is not predictable". You use the word believe twice (fourth and last stanzas). Consider replacing "she believed it" with "she was sure" to avoid that. My biggest question, or maybe suggestion is with the final stanza. In using the phrase "because she needed him to complete her dream", you have effectively transferred the guilt for feeling bad about the situation to the woman. She ends up seeming silly for waiting and dreaming. If that is what you intended, maybe ironically, then ok. But if it isn't then maybe consider an alternative ending. Whether you change it or not, well done.
