Years Ago, Back in TexasbyVon Hauffen©
I have this experience to blame (or thank) for all the many years of sexual deviance that followed. But first, a little bit of background.
Like a lot of kids, the moment I turned eighteen, I left home. Only I didn't have college to go to, but a job designing web pages 1,500 miles from where I grew up in Texas. So I packed up and headed to Maryland, where I had already arranged to rent a cheap one bedroom apartment and start my new life.
My mother and her family were not the best to grow up around. A lot of people probably feel that way about their family so should understand when I say that without me going into great detail. I will mention a few things though so that you will understand why what happened was so unusual.
My mother just could not seem to find work that she was willing to stay at for more than a few years. She changed jobs and homes a lot, dragging me and my younger sister all around Texas, Oklahoma and Missouri. My aunt Kathy, her youngest sister, lived in north Texas with her husband of over twenty years along with their three kids.
Growing up, I had always wanted that life that her kids had. They didn't move around, and Kathy actually worked part time only when she wanted spending money; while my uncle Carl worked for a local plant as a mechanic. They had a pool and took vacations and ate out a lot; all the stuff a kid wants while growing up. Or so I thought.
What I didn't know until my mother convinced Kathy and Carl to let us move in with them for a few months is that Kathy had major issues. She had inherited my grandfather's temper -- the very same temper that I have discovered in me as well. She also seemed to suffer from depression or something because she would close herself up in her room sometimes for hours, and had terrible time sleeping from what I heard. Part, or all, of this may have been caused by the fact that in order to maintain their lifestyle, Carl worked twelve hour shifts at night, alternating five and six day weeks. We rarely saw him the whole time we were there except for when he was heading off to work at around five in the evening.
I was in my mid-teens when we lived there and felt awkward about the whole situation. It was worse because I had a massive crush on my cousin Lynn, who was a year older than me. She was one of those cute little blond cheerleader types that always dated the football captains and such. Her and her friends were way out of my league, even though they were always real sweet to me, being new and all. She teased me a lot over those few months, while I was fifteen and she was sixteen, so I think she knew about my crush and had a few laughs at my expense. It didn't matter. She was so cute it was worth it.
Anyway, my aunt was kind of pretty too. And she had a nice body in my opinion. She was a real woman, if that makes any sense. Around 5'9 with the most perfectly shaped legs I had ever seen -- maybe to this day. She also had what I have heard so lovingly referred to as "child bearing hips." I was never into breasts, but they were definitely very nice as well -- when I gathered enough courage to look at her closely. She spent a lot of time curling her hair and stuff, and made herself look really good whenever she left the house. Totally unlike my mother who wore no makeup and didn't care what she wore at all it seemed.
My aunt Kathy looked the best when we all went to bible school on Wednesday evening and Sunday morning though. She would wear these skirts that came just to her knees. They were very thin and if the sun caught on the other side of her you could see the shapes of her legs all the way to her panties, even when she wore a slip. I hate to admit it, but there were times I'd be sitting in church still thinking about the shot I had just seen with her walking across the gravel parking lot in front of me, wearing open toed shoes with the sun setting in the distance.
I am also ashamed to admit that I got myself off on many occasions over the next few years thinking of just her; sometimes even more than Lynn. I didn't have that much contact with girls my own age, as I was not as athletic as everyone else and always the new kid in class and we lived kind of far out in the country. So I kept to myself and my little fantasies. The stars of course, were the women in my every day life. Since neither my mother nor my sister were remotely worthy of such attention, I focused solely and Kathy and Lynn. But then she would go off on me or my family and I would hate myself for ever thinking of her like that.
Anyway, the first few weeks we were there, we didn't get a taste of her real moods so much directly; only saw her reacting to her kids. She yelled a lot, and I must admit that there were really bad actually, so it was not totally unfounded. It was only Lynn and her sister Marie at the time, since Tommy was not born until later. Thinking back now, I understand why it took at least eight years for her to get pregnant with each child, what with Carl working nights for so long.
To make a long story short, Kathy would go off about things at the drop of a hat. It was like three months in Hell. She was very verbal - not abusive or physical - just angry and irritated all the time. I always tried to make sure I did things right around her and she generally left me alone, but it still was not nice to be around.
It didn't stop even after we moved out and got a place a few miles away. She got me a job at the same Wal-Mart where she worked and in the couple months before I turned sixteen, I would ride with her. She was usually very nice to me, as long as everything was going good that day. But if something happened at work she would stew about it all the way home and give me an earful. Anything I said would be turned around so that I was stupid or just taking someone else's side. She even left me once because she was so pissed about something and didn't even think about me being there.
So that was Kathy. While she was definitely a woman that could make you stir, she was also quite the handful.
That brings me back to where I started. Having seen that I was doing well on my own, my mother packed up her and my sister and quit her job about a year after I'd left. She wanted to move in with me, but I refused. She didn't even ask until after she had quit her job, and then tried to make me feel guilty for not helping. Somehow, within the next month before she was completely destitute, she actually did find a very good job in Delaware at a credit card company and headed out without even letting me know.
I had to call Kathy to find out if my mother was even still alive. She was very aloof and only talked to me for a few minutes. I sensed that my mother had made me out as the cause of all her woes. So, knowing that, I decided not to bother with anyone until they came to me.
Nine months later, my mother calls and asks me to fly back with her and my sister to get the rest of their things they had left behind; which essentially was about fifty years of junk she had accumulated. She laid the guilt on me really bad and only offered to pay for my ticket after I told her I didn't have the money. Reluctantly, I agreed.
So I flew back with the two of them; forced to sit next to my sister who was still angry at me for leaving. But we fought like cats and dogs anyway and still do to this day, so I didn't give a crap really.
My aunt Kathy picked us up from the airport with my three cousins. I was surprised to see Lynn and I know I blushed when she gave me a hug and pressed those perky little breasts up against me. She smelled so good. Before she pulled away, she whispered how good I looked and gave me a little wink. I knew she was teasing me again just like when we were growing up. But she was twenty-one now and married to a nice guy she had met while line dancing at a country western bar.
She had to look up at me, since she had stopped growing at 5'2 and I was now a towering 5'7. Yes. That was a joke. I never got any taller than that, although I did fill out rather nicely by lifting weights and toning up over the years. I liked the way Lynn had squeezed my arm when she pulled away with a grin, and was glad I was not the same skinny kid I had been when I'd left.
We dropped Lynn off about twenty minutes after leaving the airport, as she had just wanted to see us in. I sighed as I watched her in her little shorts and flip-flops walking into her perfect house with the flowers in the front yard. What I wouldn't have given to have been staying at their place for the next few days.
My other cousin, Marie, was only fourteen at the time. She was not nearly as cute as Lynn, but she did have her sister's same bubbly personality -- to a point. On the ride back to their place, Marie kept trying to grab my watch off my wrist and push me around in attempt to get my attention. She was generally being a pain in the butt, being very childish. My other cousin, Tommy, was just encouraged by this behavior as he was only two and the biggest brat in the world. Between him and Marie I was regretting my decision to come back already.
Kathy looked good for being forty or forty-one. She had married Carl very young so she still looked young, especially with her face and hair all made up the way it was. At that moment though, my mind was still thinking about Lynn in her cute North Texas University t-shirt hugging me all close. I honestly didn't have an impure thought about Kathy even in the deepest part of my mind.
It was a Friday afternoon when we flew in. We were going to be there until Thursday and then head back and unload. If we were lucky, we could return the truck on Saturday night in Delaware.
Friday was fine. We saw Carl for a few minutes and got to talk about stuff for about an hour before he headed out. He would be off on Wednesday night so would be able to help us load in the afternoon and see us off the next morning. Kathy was in a very good mood and so was my mother. Except for Tommy trying to demand everyone's attention, particularly mine being the only guy around, it was actually not so bad.
Anyway, when she had left Texas my aunt and uncle had allowed my mother to store most of her stuff in their barn. It was more of a small warehouse than a barn since my uncle was a mechanic by trade and was into rebuilding engines and making money on the side from his regular job. How he had time to do this was beyond me. I knew he took three three-week vacations a year, but still. That is not how I would have spent my time off.
Saturday is inconsequential to this story. It was spent just going down to the barn with all the family and looking at the daunting task ahead of us. It didn't help that my mother was not only a packrat, but also a procrastinator; so we had to really make everything as easy as possible for her in order to get anything done. It was a long day and we'd barely put a dent in it because of her and Kathy talking most of the time.
Kathy was still being very nice the first day, but that evening she was yelling at both of my cousins about something and the rest of us kind of just kept out of her way after dinner. This was very difficult for me because I had to sleep on the couch. My mother got a room for her and my sister at the local hotel, but figured sleeping on the couch was good enough for me.
Kathy was up and down from the recliner on the other side of the couch all evening, going back into Marie's room and then yelling at Tommy for being a real snot. I think that little monster needed a lot more than just yelling at.
It all quieted down around 11:00, so I finally just lay there on the couch watching the last half of Johnny Carson before I went to sleep. Kathy came out a couple of times to get something to drink or get something for Tommy, but that was it. She didn't say anything to me at all, except goodnight the last time out.
I had watched her though, both times, since the lights were out except for the TV and she was wearing only an oversized t-shirt that barely came down to her mid-thighs. Her legs were something else, that's for sure. Like a woman's legs should be. From my vantage point on the couch, she looked like she was just all legs; especially when she reached across the dining room table to grab one of Tommy's toys for him.
I had a restless night on that uncomfortable couch, made worse from not bringing myself off in over forty-eight very stressful hours. That Sunday was the same. I did all the heavy lifting; bringing boxes and boxes of junk down a twelve foot ladder by myself. Mom and Kathy just sat there going through it all -- a huge job in itself. Meanwhile Marie and my sister were nowhere to be seen -- off talking or whatever -- anything to not help.
My mother only stayed down in the barn for an hour or two at a time all day before she complained about being too hot or hungry or anything to not get the stuff done. She was much more interested in just talking the whole time and it was clearly irritating Kathy as well. It was like that all day until late afternoon. I stayed out a little longer looking for any boxes that could have been mine from my childhood, and quickly disposed of or packed up what I thought was worth tossing or keeping.
When I got back up to the house, the rest of them said they were heading to a movie and dinner as soon as my uncle Carl had left for work. I didn't really care to be seen with the group of them as argumentative as they all were. Plus, they were seeing a PG movie, so I opted not to go. There was nothing on TV; just news. No cable out there and they didn't have a satellite dish -- this was way before DirecTV. So after I was sure they were a safe distance I laid back on the couch and decided to relax my own way.
I was a late bloomer because I have always been shy around girls. At twenty, I had only lost my virginity within the last two years and only had three sexual experiences to mention at that time. One with a friend's mother; where we ended up making out pretty hot and heavy, but never got the chance to do anything else because I moved away. And the other two were girls my age. Only one of those two was I with more than once though.
It didn't stop me from reliving those experiences every chance I got. It sounds stupid, but I got a lot of books about women's bodies and sexual techniques and such -- like the How To's with all the stupid suggestions. I also paid a lot of attention whenever I watched movies late at night on cable and I had just recently discovered porn, having been brought up so religious, as I mentioned before. Nothing fascinated me more than kissing and making a woman come with your mouth. It amazed me whenever I saw something like that described in print or on TV.
So, I was well on my way to bliss, looking at myself hard and swelling in my hands -- loving the sight actually. I was just over eight inches even then, so it was just the rest of my body that had failed to grow. Now this is where I made the mistake. Why I got the bright idea of heading into Kathy's room and looking for porn is beyond me.
I had house-sat for a coworker once, a guy, who also shared with two other guys. They were all going to the beach or something so needed someone to be there for some deliveries and junk. I shouldn't have, but that curiosity factor got the best of me and I opened the doors of each of their rooms just to see. One of them had nudie pictures, mags, tapes stashed all over the place. He was in his forties so I guess he'd had a long time to accumulate.
I suppose I was looking for the same kind of thing with Kathy and my uncle. I mean they were adults and not as stuffy as my mother, I knew that. But I still don't know what I expected to find. Obviously I found nothing sitting out in the open. I had zipped up when I went back to their bedroom, but when I opened one drawer and found her stockings and panties, I felt myself instantly get hard again.
Anyone who has done something sneaky like that knows the feeling. Your head is pounding and your heart is racing, your mouth goes a little bit dry in expectation of what you might find. The stuff was very sexy -- for a twenty year old with limited experience.
So I was picturing her as I was holding up different pairs of panties, imagining what she would look like in them standing right there in the room with me. I found a pair of black thongs and saw how my fingers were touching the crotch by accident. The thought suddenly made me feel so guilty I had to close the drawer.
I just stood there for a minute, looking at my hard cock in the mirror on her dresser. I saw in the foreground her jewelry box and her light nail polish; an unopened package of Leggs' pantyhose. I opened the drawer and took one more look and a feel, before closing it and then opening all the others, finding nothing at all of interest.
So I went over to the chest of drawers, obviously my uncle's things. First drawer and I found a box hidden in the back. My heart jumped at what could be inside. But it was just an old pocket knife and some papers, like birth certificates or something. Next drawer was his underwear and I had no desire to look at his stuff like I had Kathy's so I started to close it. That was when something caught my eye as it rolled in the back of the drawer. I opened it again and moved his stuff out of the way, only to find an honest to god big rubber dildo just sitting there in the open.
I felt a rush instantly. I mean, I had to assume it was Kathy's, not his -- and honestly the thought never crossed my mind that a man would use a dildo so I knew it was Kathy's. With shaking hand I pulled it out and ran my fingers along it. You may think it is gross, but I actually smelled it, in hopes of smelling her I think. But it smelled only of rubber of course.
I had seen dildos in some of the movies I had rented, but none looked like this. This looked like a real man's cock; almost identical to mine. It even had the veins and bumps and ridges going all around. I immediately unzipped my jeans and pulled my own piece out, comparing the two as I became instantly hard, and was more than proud that I was a good inch or so larger than the thing. I really was almost identical in its thickness though. And when I turned a little silver tab on the bottom, I could make it curve to the left just like mine.
I lowered my jeans and took my shirt off so that I could get a good look at the two side by side, pressing it right against my pelvis. I actually said to myself, I bet I'd be a perfect fit...
Right then, the door flung open and there was Kathy holding Tommy, who was sleeping in her arms. She just stopped and stared at me with wide eyes as I dropped the dildo on the floor and tried to cover myself, grab my shirt and put the thing away all in the same instance. I was so scared shitless I didn't even say anything; I just wanted to get the hell out of there.
I was struggling to fit my hard cock in my jeans and get past her when she stopped looking and headed for the bed to put Tommy down.
"Go through the bathroom, not that way. Someone might see you."
"Please don't tell my mom," I managed, hesitating at her bathroom door, which would also ultimately lead to the main hall.
She didn't even answer me.
All I could think now was: this was the worst fucking day of my life! I stayed in Kathy's bathroom, which was also the main bathroom, for a few minutes, cooling down and trying to regain my composure.
When I came out, my mother, sister and cousin were obviously irritated but not saying anything much to each other.
"Don't you care why we're back already?" my sister growled. I had been so upset I hadn't even thought about it.
My mother just gave me a look and nodded toward the hall where Kathy's room was. Apparently she had had another meltdown.