You Just Can't Tell a Bookbymagmaman©
The first best word to describe me by is ordinary. The second best word to use is horny as it is possible for a 25 year old young man to be. Add in slender, heavy glasses, insecure, and an almost complete lack of any line of rap?
Well, you get the picture.
The problem with that combination is that to hook up with a female, I have to work harder at it than some of my buds.
Many of the guys I run with use lines that should turn off any woman that hears them. Shit like, "What's a nice place like this doing with a girl like YOU in it?" Har Har Har...and next thing I know they have some bimbo headed out the damn door with them.
If I try that, I hear "Get lost, asshole!"
Hell, one guy I know named Mike and I were headed down the road in his minivan, he spies two gals walking along in shorts and halter tops.
Mike slams on the brakes, yells out the window past me, "Hey, you bitches wouldn't wanta go to the river, would ya?"
I swear, they looked at each other, giggled, and climbed in, one in back and the other right over the top of me to sit by him.
Nothing like that ever works for me. Being 5'8" and slender at 140#, dark framed glasses a bit on the thick side, I find myself with the leftovers most of the time. It doesn't help that my ears stick out, either.
Even worse, I am scared shitless of catching some disease, so it's condoms or nothing. But all anyone has to do is pull one of those damn things out and I wilt.
So dating and then getting to the point of maybe actually having sex means, "Hey! How's about you and I go have blood tests?"
Real romantic crap. I just never figured out a way to approach the subject without stammering and feeling stupid.
That means I spend a lot of time with solo sexuality. Sure, there was the one time with a gal named Sandra, I spent the next 30 days checking the end of my pecker morning, noon, and night and just wouldn't do it with her again until I was sure. Then I knocked on Mike's door one morning and she answered wearing nothing but one of his towels, so that ended that.
Mike is one of those guys that no lady should stand in front of in an elevator. So I figure anything he touches is one I don't want.
I did have a girlfriend named Milly, a bit on the chubby side gal I met at the library. I tried twice with her. Both times ended up with me fumbling with a rubber, I even got it on myself once and myself inside her but the thing came off and we had to go fishing for it.
Try that sometime, the fuckings things get all slippery as snot, I would get ahold of part of it and it would slip off. I was about to go get a screwdriver of something when she finally snagged it, her fingernails were longer than mine.
It should have been fun and funny but she got all pissed off for some reason, she wouldn't go out with me anymore.
So by the time I was 25, I had an almost constant hardon and just a couple of actual experiences.
One late afternoon I was sitting at my apartment, Mike called and insisted I go with him to some nightclub place he had found.
"Crawling with fucking broads." was his exact words.
I was bored so what the hell, I decided to go. We took two vehicles. We always did that, just in case. Mine was usually empty except for me on the way home, I have seen Mike roll out with three at once, no idea how he does that.
The place was mostly food service, but there was a cozy little bar in the back, a dance floor with room for three couples if they didn't mind rubbing asses. There was a guitar player who seemed real proud of how fast he could pick the thing, he honest to God played "Flight of the Bumblebee" and shit like that that really didn't fit a bar scene. But he did every once in awhile play something someone could dance to.
The "Crawling with women" turned out to be two tables, one had two obvious housewife types, the other had three women that appeared deeply engrossed in conversation.
There was two guys standing up at the bar wearing outfits that made me wonder where they left their horses. I wasn't about to make any wisecracks, the one guy would make Bigfoot look like a fucking Chimp.
I checked out the table of three, the two women facing me were in their mid-twenties, the one with her back to me I couldn't tell for sure but the blonde hair that wasn't natural suggested older from the style.
Mike of course pounced, gave some line of crap and had one of the younger ones on the dance floor in about 10 seconds. I was heading for the other one when one of the cowboy guys beat me to her. Since I was halfway across the room and didn't want to look stupid I stepped up and asked the last gal.
She turned and smiled, and said, "Why yes, thank you very much!" which sounded real odd to me.
Then I realized I was looking at a nice looking slender lady, but at least 65 or 70 years old.
She was easily 30 years older than my mom!
I hesitated, but she got up, so I took her hand and we headed towards the dance floor. Mike looked over at me with a smirk, which pissed me off. I decided to try and remember to whip his ass later.
The lady was just an inch or so shorter than me, she folded into my arms with a happy smile and we started dancing.
Think of dancing with a cloud, every movement I made, she was right with me. It couldn't have been better or easier if we had been dancing together for decades.
She told me her name was Martha, I told her mine was Danny. Somehow she got me to tell her where I worked, I found out she owned a real estate company and the two other women with her were her agents. They had closed some big deal and were celebrating. We even managed to mention that I was single and she was widowed and had been for 15 years, that I was 25 years old and she was 68.
I took her back to her seat, she thanked me.
"I haven't really danced in years, I enjoyed that. You are really a good dancer!" She smiled and sat down.
Me? A good dancer? I went back to the table where Mike sat.
"You sure know how to pick'em!" Mike laughed.
I just kept my mouth shut.
"Who is the old bag?"
"Her name is Martha and she is kinda nice." I protested.
I looked over at the other table, the three women were leaning in close, talking and giggling. The two younger ones kept glancing over at Mike and me, probably at Mike I figured.
A few minutes later Martha got up and walked over, "Come on, let's dance again?" she asked.
I got up and we headed for the dance floor, my Daddy had taught me to never turn down a lady.
It was the same the second time, by the end of the tune I was having fun, Martha was like a feather in my arms. We danced several songs, then the guy played another of those too fast pieces, so I took her back to her table.
"Why don't you and your friend join us, Danny?" Martha asked. This got glances back and forth between the other two women. I waved for Mike, by now he had another gal who had come in pretty much pinned up against the bar and she was resisting, it looked like.
So Mike wandered over and sat down. In no time he was dragging first one, then the other and finally both of the younger girls out onto the dance floor, I sat and talked to Martha.
I also took a good look at her, the clothes were modest and businesslike, she wore jewelry that was expensive but tasteful. The lines on her face were obvious but subdued, makeup a perfect hint of color.
I must have checked her out a bit too closely, because she smiled and said, "Well, what do you think?"
Blushing furiously, I tried to stammer something, she cut me off.
"I know about you young men, always on the make."
"Sorry, I wasn't...."
"Yes you were." She was leaning in close to me now, I got a whiff of some kind of delicious perfume.
"I can't stay out late, can you drive me home? I don't want to interrupt my friends, they are having fun."
I glanced out at the dance floor where Mike and the two girls were carrying on and laughing, having a good time.
"Sure." I told her. "Glad to."
I wasn't really glad to, but she did ask.
Martha signalled one of the girls, said something to her. The girl looked at me, giggled, then nodded and went back to dancing.
Martha hooked her hand in the crook of my arm which seemed strange to me and we walked out to my car. I politely held the door for her. I wondered why she didn't have her own car, so I asked.
"Oh, I don't drive, never really did. My late husband always did. After he passed, I just use taxis, it's only a couple of miles to my agency."
We were at her modest home in just a few minutes, I was thinking of dropping her off and hustling back to the club. There was a chance that I could end up with whichever one Mike didn't pick.
We pulled up, I stepped around and opened the door for her.
"Come on in." Martha smiled.
"It's all right, I have some nice wine. Or I can make some tea if you prefer?"
I meekly followed her inside, she hung up her coat and showed me to a big soft leather couch. She pushed a button and soft music filled the room.
"You are the first man to be in my house since my husband passed." she told me, as she was pouring some wine.
"Well, except for some repairmen."
I nodded, accepting the wine as she settled onto the couch beside me.
"My Jerry was older than me, he was 70 and I was 53."
I just looked at her, what does a person say to comments like that?
"You look a lot like him." Martha smiled, I realized the tone of her voice had changed, it was now a bit husky.
"Do you mind if I change into something more comfortable? I have been in this suit all day."
"No...uhhh...I don't mind." I was now wondering what the hell. It was starting to look like this old lady was putting the make on me.
I heard her in the other room, it sounded like a shower ran for perhaps two minutes, then I heard her humming.
I was half expecting her to come out in some slinky see-through negligee, that might have made me cut and run. But she was wearing a simple white T-shirt, it came all the way to her knees. It was clear that she didn't have a bra on, and it was also clear that she was small busted with very little sag, her nipples made little points in the cloth.
I felt my groin tug from looking at her, I did my best to will it to stop.
She sat down on the couch again, flipped the hem of the garment up for a moment as she folded her legs easily underneath her. I saw no hint of anything at all under there. The other thing was her hair was no longer blonde and past her ears, it was short cut into a pageboy style, and silver with streaks of dark brown in it. So she had been wearing a wig.
All traces of makeup were gone, she looked..well...fresh?
I caught a whiff of that fine perfume again, we looked at each other, not a word. My cock was heading upwards with a mind of it's own, I tried to squirm around to hide my reaction with poor success.
She glanced at my crotch which made me blush even more, then she looked down, almost shyly.
"Danny, I haven't been with a man in the last 15 years." I could sense her struggle with the words.
"Actually, closer to 20 years, my husband was pretty ill the last few years of his life."
She looked away like she was having a memory or something, then she looked me in the eyes, gave me that sweet smile again.
I sat there not really knowing what to do or say. Martha just took charge, though, she leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. I was surprised, they felt soft and warm, none of this jabbing a tongue at me which I hate.
I couldn't help myself, my left hand came up and cradled her breast through the T-shirt. It was soft and settled in my hand. I let my fingers brush her nipple, her upper body trembled slightly.
I reached down and slid my hand beneath the bottom of her T-shirt, her arms came out and went around me as she continued to kiss me.
I was right, there was nothing at all underneath.
I felt her hand come down and stroke up my leg, finally reaching my groin. I was hard as a rock.
Martha fumbled with the button on my slacks, got it free, then drew down the zipper. Her fingers fumbled some more at the top of my briefs, then she pulled them out and I sprang free.
"I want to feel you in my mouth." She leaned forward and slid her lips over my erection, sliding downwards until I realized all of me was inside! She had my cock down her throat, I had heard of that but never dreamed.....My head went back, my mind reeled from the sensation.
Martha suddenly slid off me, stood up, pulled the T-shirt up and over her head. She stood there completely naked, unashamed. Her breasts were smallish, shaped like a ski-slope, the undersides bulging down slightly. Her nipples were like tiny little buttons, surrounded by an inch wide circle of darker flesh that formed a little vertical oval shape.
Her hips flared out, her pubic mound protruded out and over her vagina, her channel formed a bulge, reaching up the center of her pelvis. There was a dark mass of pubic hair with streaks of gray.
She stood there with her legs about a foot apart, letting me look, inspect, drink it all in. Her body belied the years, it looked like that of a mature woman, but much younger. Her skin was unblemished, she was beautiful!
I sat there with my pants open, my erection jutting out with the foreskin pulled halfway back, and simply stared.
Martha stepped forward, pressed herself against me. I held her, my hands resting on her hips. Then she began to unbutton my shirt. Her hands ran all over my upper body, she felt my arms, my chest, stroked my back. Then she tugged at my slacks, pulling my briefs down with them. She went down to her knees and removed my shoes, then touched my legs, inspecting.
Her hands came up together, cradled my testicles as I stood there naked, my penis as hard as it ever got. Martha grasped me with her right hand, pressed my foreskin back, exposing the purple head.
"There it is!" she said, in what sounded almost like delight.
Then she leaned forward and engulfed me again. My cock went inside her mouth, finally her nose was tight against my pubic hair. I watched that in awe, I really didn't believe it could be done.
I let my hands lift and play with her breasts, her nipples were really firm now. This old woman was turned on, excited!
Then she stood, held me cheek to cheek. Next she took my hand, led me down a short hallway, pressed the door open. There was a large soft bed, we sat side by side.
Leaning back, she let her leg closest to me fall aside, I looked down at her inner pinkness, exposed to my view. Her clit was swollen, obvious.
"Will you? Please?"
I knew what she wanted, I leaned over and dragged the flat of my tongue up her slit. She tasted musky, pleasant. Nothing at all like the only other woman I had done this to.
I tried hard to tease and please her, trying to remember everything I had read in stories. I must have had some success because she started moaning and lifting her hips up and down. Then she orgasmed, it was nice to watch, I felt rather proud of myself.
After a few shudders,she sat up, held me for a few moments. Then she scooted backwards on the bed, lay back with her legs apart. Of course I knew what was next.
"Sorry, I don't have a...a...rubber."
"You really aren't going to get me pregnant." she smiled.
"I don't have anything, either, and I know you are nice and clean."
I understood, I slid up and lay beside her, letting my fingers find her sex. I slid one finger inside her, she was wet and slick, I stroked my finger back and forth as she pressed her hips against my hand.
As I rolled towards her, Martha closed her eyes. I let myself start to slide inside, felt her tense, then adjust. Then I pressed, felt her body relax, accept me.
"Oh it's been so lo...." she let out a moan.
I blasted off quickly, getting some gurgling noises out of her, but I didn't lose my erection so I just kept on. We thrashed at each other for a solid 10 minutes, then I realized she was tiring. I allowed myself to let go with a final blast, then pulled her body with me as I rolled to my side to take my weight off of her.
We lay like that for a long time, finally I softened and could no longer stay inside her.
"That was so good!" Martha lifted her face for a kiss. I returned it with relish. Then we both dozed off.
I woke up from a dream, something pressing on me. I felt the Sunlight streaming in the window on me. I opened my eyes, Martha was astride me, lifting her hips up and down, taking me inside. Her head was back, eyes closed.
I had apparently had a morning erection, she had simply climbed on top. I let myself thrust back, she let out a moan as I quickly reached my own peak.
Later, we showered together, I ended up down on my own knees, licking her to yet another orgasm. Then she handed me a T-shirt, put on one of her own. In the kitchen, she made breakfast, served it with sweet coffee.
I ate like a horse, I was hungry. She watched with that same smile as I finished.
Finally it was time, I held her in my arms and gave her a kiss as we stood by the open door.
"Thank you, Danny. Thank you for giving me a fine time."
I started for my car, stopped and turned back to her. The Sun was shining on her porch, it was a little like she was in a spotlight. I looked her up and down, she stood there and watched me, knowing I could easily see the outline of her slender body through the thin material. I almost turned and went back, but I just had to go to work.
"May I come see you again?" I asked her.
"Yes, of course. Please!" she beamed.
I was whistling to myself as I started my car.
I knew I would never look at an older woman the same way again.