Over the Phone Cuckold Pt. 01: Rewrite

Its still GARBAGE, not matter how your write it.

Polish

No matter how much you polish a turd it's still a turd

Still garbage...

Author has too much time on his hands to be able to write such rubbish.

Still bad...

Ok, now we have a story, but still a bad one with a lot of inconsistencies: She phoned him for him to hear and when he arrived home, she was lying? This is just one...But at least now we understand how it all began...Xavier was married with a crazy woman, and Cora was married with a crazy man...Maybe they can help each other...

Better

Congrats to the author. This version of the tale is more complete and gives more insight. It seems fuller. The only suggestion I have to this rewrite is this; when the story changes perspective it needs to be separated. A line of asterisks or dashes would let us know that something is different. You could even let us know who's perspective we are hearing from at the moment. It saves from having to go back and reread a section because it seemed a little off only to realize that we are hearing from a different person.

I wish you well in the future.

Hey, this is loving wives.

No story here makes everyone happy, because there is such a wide possibility of things "Loving Wives" can mean. Anything you post will tick someone off. Even my comment here is liable to spur angry responses from 12 year olds here illegally and the 40 year old virgins whining about your tale from their apartment in their mom's basement. The funny thing they never realize is....I don't care! I'll never read these comments because I rarely revisit a story, and if they email me, they get my giggle and tap reflex. I laugh at their attempt at vitriol and tap " delete." Poof. Controversy gone.

Just write the story you want to write, and let the chips fall where they may. No matter what someone else says, own your effort, and that doesn't work if you let someone else get in your head....especially the cowardly critics that can't sign their name to their slams. There is no controversy here, unless you allow it to exist!

ad another

auto-bio, only polished.
1 star

Bad writing

Couldn't even make it through the first three paragraphs. Bad spelling, bad grammar. Get a proof reader who knows the differnce between brake and break.

why would a straight guy do this.

Stupid people, stupid story.

re:maninconn

Are you done ranting idiot? Feel better now? LMAO at the morons who try to attack anybody that has opposing opinions. Can't take the heat asshole, get out of the kitchen. I have to laugh at the cuckies who get all in an uproar over trash stories. The rewrite didn't seem to raise your scores any. Wonder why? Btw maninconn, is that your real name? Thought so.

1*

Pathetic. Another shit day for loving wives. Where are the erotic writers? The cuckies chase them off?

Still awful

I hate to say it, author, but writing just doesn't seem to be your thing. Beyond the spelling errors, grammatical errors, changes in tense and perspective, etc., this story just isn't well written. The actions of all the characters are completely implausible, and the dialog is so bad, it's actually funny.

Gave this one a # 1 also

It offsets the ass wholes that gave you a # 5 Gay shit.

re: gave this one a 5 too in order to

"to help offset5 the asshole annony"

It's odd that you would be referring to yourself that way.

"asshole annony": slamming someone for daring to have a different opinion and for being anonymous in an anonymous post is an apt description of being an asshole annony.

Ya know, if you want to direct your comment at a specific person, copying and pasting the subject line is the direct and logical way of doing so. Using "annony" in an anonymous post just indicates your intelligence level, the low intelligence level.

Maniconn found the idiot... it responded by guilt

UPS at least you write and post. Did I say to be care of shit from anonymous assholes?

Thanks for sharing on Lit

x

Horrific writing!

Seriously terrible writing! The story is ridiculous and insulting. I gave it a "1" because there is no option to give it a negative number. The worst example of writing on this - or any other- site I've EVER seen! Give up. Really, dude. Give up! (And, I don't care what your particular kink is, so that's not my deal. It's just a really bad story on every level.) -10

LOVE IT

Awesome rewrite! So much better than before. Yea, a part 2 is needed lol. Hmmm I dont understand why people like to complain about stories they read in the LW section... Those people oughta just write their own sh!$ if they don't like reading other peoples stuff lol I suppose some users forget that this is a free site and not a Barnes & Noble. Lol :P

shite

Cuckold who wank over wife been fuked r really queer as they imagine sucking an fuckin there cock, cuckold is a fetish which means it is abnormally human behaviour my message 2 cucks is use a strong rope or sharp knife and kill yourself freaks!!!!!!!

Awesome short. Thanks for writing it.

you misunderstood

Because people told you version one sucked does not mean a re-write was requested. It only means your first effort was really bad.

No need to go off the deep end, it's just a lil sex story.

I kinda like the "chance in million" tone of this story. Sure, it's incredibly unlikely that it would happen that way but I'll bet it's happened somewhere to someone. I've always liked the idea that someone I talk to on the internet could be a neighbour or workmate. I often imagine a moment of mutual realizeation when I use an obscure expression and the woman I say it to has a look of having heard it before. What a splendid game it would be to exchange little hints with her until there's no doubt in our minds. That's actually quite a sexy and romantic notion now that I think about it.

This story has that "what are the chances..?" element, but as far as slim chances go, well we all play the lottery and these scenarios are way more likely than winning that.
;)

Did you even bother to proof read this?

It's STILL garbage.