i am a twenty five old male and i have been doing chores for my next door neighbors for four years such as painting and lawn mowing, they are both in early forties with four kids girls ages 17, 14 and 7 and a 14 month old boy, i have been making love to her when hubby is working and kids are in school, the boy looks just like me, he is so much like me my mom boldly asked if i am banging the mrs next door. she said i think he is my grandson. anyway she now is fixed so we can fuck more often. she is no model about 5 ft 2 in tall and 160 lb, but got a warm moist pussy that feels good when i deposit my seed in her. last week she asked me to change her son's diaper and right out of the blue he says dad da dad da when i was changing him. i love helping my next door neighbor.
by
Anonymous12/07/14
needs some work...
needs a good proof read...lots of typos and bad punctuation..not to mention the conflicting statements in the first paragraph of how long she had been living there (one sentence says one year, a couple later says four)...
by
Anonymous12/07/14
Hot
The build up to the sex was amazing! And jake was a really sexy character. Well done :D
by
Anonymous12/07/14
A good proof reader is very much in order!
Punctuation, word usage, spelling, grammar just for starters. The sequence of events are in question as well. The story overall rates maybe an 8 but, punctuation, word useage spelling and the like take it down a few notches to maybe a 4. Get in the habit of reading the story several times, even out loud if necessary; make the obvious corrections then have a second party read your story. Use a word possessing program with a good spell checker, grammer checker and word useage app. Lastly, don't be in a hurry to post your work, afterall, the story you post represents YOU, make the reader want more of what you have to offer.
"His parents had been there for 22 years, moving in when they were pregnant with Jake"
" . . teasing the 22 year old neighbor . . . "
it usually takes a year before you have your first birthday.
by
Anonymous12/08/14
the guy above nitpicking of the 22 years mistake. whats the big deal with you nitpicking this guys small mistake. the other commerter, didnt the man see that the baby wasnt his, and he lets you continue to come over, implausable.
I thought that the authors writing skills were impressive. He or she paints a detailed and sensual image. Technical mistakes get edited at some point but in a venue such as this one a little transgression should be foegivable. If the objective is to produce enjoyable erotica then in my opinion this author has most certainly done his job and done it well.
English
Hot story. 5 stars
Wonderful phantasy,
please more!
great
i am a twenty five old male and i have been doing chores for my next door neighbors for four years such as painting and lawn mowing, they are both in early forties with four kids girls ages 17, 14 and 7 and a 14 month old boy, i have been making love to her when hubby is working and kids are in school, the boy looks just like me, he is so much like me my mom boldly asked if i am banging the mrs next door. she said i think he is my grandson. anyway she now is fixed so we can fuck more often. she is no model about 5 ft 2 in tall and 160 lb, but got a warm moist pussy that feels good when i deposit my seed in her. last week she asked me to change her son's diaper and right out of the blue he says dad da dad da when i was changing him. i love helping my next door neighbor.
needs some work...
needs a good proof read...lots of typos and bad punctuation..not to mention the conflicting statements in the first paragraph of how long she had been living there (one sentence says one year, a couple later says four)...
Hot
The build up to the sex was amazing! And jake was a really sexy character. Well done :D
A good proof reader is very much in order!
Punctuation, word usage, spelling, grammar just for starters. The sequence of events are in question as well. The story overall rates maybe an 8 but, punctuation, word useage spelling and the like take it down a few notches to maybe a 4. Get in the habit of reading the story several times, even out loud if necessary; make the obvious corrections then have a second party read your story. Use a word possessing program with a good spell checker, grammer checker and word useage app. Lastly, don't be in a hurry to post your work, afterall, the story you post represents YOU, make the reader want more of what you have to offer.
the rest of the story was just as poorly written
"His parents had been there for 22 years, moving in when they were pregnant with Jake"
" . . teasing the 22 year old neighbor . . . "
it usually takes a year before you have your first birthday.
the guy above nitpicking of the 22 years mistake. whats the big deal with you nitpicking this guys small mistake. the other commerter, didnt the man see that the baby wasnt his, and he lets you continue to come over, implausable.
Yea, the dates were off
You first said the LaRocca's moved in over a year ago then a few sentences later you say they moved in about 4 years ago, my point is .......
WHO REALLY CARES!
It was a hot story and while it could end here, I hope it doesn't!
I liked it
Enjoyed reading it and didn't want it to end.
I thought that the authors writing skills were impressive. He or she paints a detailed and sensual image. Technical mistakes get edited at some point but in a venue such as this one a little transgression should be foegivable. If the objective is to produce enjoyable erotica then in my opinion this author has most certainly done his job and done it well.
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