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English
ummm...
Did I miss it, or is Jessie the most selfish lover ever? Dominic didn't cum, Jessie came twice, and he didn't stretch him or anything, so he was in more pain than necessary the whole time. Now he says he owns him? Who wants a possessive prick who's terrible in bed? Possessive can be lived with if it's desired and healthy, bad in bed is a deal breaker.
Not bad...
Interesting, fast-paced story, but I suggest you recruit an editor to clean up some really clumsy passages.
Yes, not bad at all
As said earlier, the story is short and sweet but the grammar is clumsy. In a fast moving story like this, the grammar and syntax mistakes really stand out. Keep them coming though, practice......
A tad racist?
Well the beginning of your story really toyed with almost racist comments. Be a little careful next time.
That said. You've got potential to hone yourself. :)
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