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English
Shows promise
I'm looking forward to part 2
Its a good start
I liked it. Wish it would have been longer. Keep it up.
Thanks for the review
Thanks for the review austream I really appreciate it. I'm working on another right now, but once I'm done with it I'll hopefully do more with Emily. I have a few ideas about her adventures. Also thank you for the favorite jennslife
As a beginner story this has promise.
The P.O.V "looking in the mirror" trope is old but it works and you didn't drag it out, which is good. However, having done the piss-on-self-in-tub thing, I can tell you it's not that glamorous. Bathtubs are cool or cold even in summer; the plastic is hard and not that comfortable and contorting oneself to reach one's mouth with a piss stream takes some doing. Enjoyable, yes, but it's much nicer in a soft, warm bed with a mattress protector under the sheets ;) Short story porn has a tendency to gloss over these little details, and yes it's a fantasy so maybe you want to ignore the cold bathtub in favor of hot pulsing orgasms, but it's the details that add realism and focus to the scene and make the writing stand out in a sea of mediocre quick-jerk stories.
As another tip, I'd add the camera phone into the beginning of the scene. The best sex scenes start out slow and build tension for a while; the set-up of the camera angle, etc could be a great part of that and could also build your non-sex-scene writing skills for future projects.
Keep it up - I'll be reading ;)
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