As an FYI, if a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative. When one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed.
When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.
A few corrections would have made this a solid 5, for it's a very good story. I know the guidelines say use short paragraphs, but your first part went to the extreme, and seemed too choppy. Besides the problems the other comment points out, I'm pretty sure the first word of any quote is capitalized no matter where it appears in the sentence. Hence, She said, "no! nothing....." would become--- She said, "No! Nothing is going to change." I'm pretty sure this is right but you might check.
English
FYI, Punctuating Dialogue
As an FYI, if a paragraph doesn’t begin with a quotation mark, that indicates it’s narrative. When one paragraph ends with a quotation mark and the very next one starts with a mark, that indicates the character speaking has changed.
When one character is speaking and is not uninterrupted by narrative or another character talking, every paragraph starts with a mark, but only the last one has a closing mark.
I GAVE YOU A FOUR
A few corrections would have made this a solid 5, for it's a very good story. I know the guidelines say use short paragraphs, but your first part went to the extreme, and seemed too choppy. Besides the problems the other comment points out, I'm pretty sure the first word of any quote is capitalized no matter where it appears in the sentence. Hence, She said, "no! nothing....." would become--- She said, "No! Nothing is going to change." I'm pretty sure this is right but you might check.
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