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English
utter....
crap! 1*
Wow. Just when I thought this place couldn't get any worse...
This story appears.
Well, that was....
....obvious and lame.
Do you get your storylines off toilet stalls and old gum wrappers?
You write to shock, not to tell a story.
Try coming up with a story. Try engaging us.
You offend with your blatant disregard for your audience.
Fool.
You need some experience to write about.
Go down to the shores and sell yourself to the weight-lifters. After your ass won't properly close anymore, you will have time to think up something more sensible than this crap you've dumped here, like a sack of stinking garbage.
1*
Garbage! Fuck, LIT needs to get some standards, this site is circling the drain.
What shit
No man would put up with that shit, period.
And 20 women in 48 hours, LMAO.
Get real how about 1 girl for two nights for 40 days.
Why the fuck Literotica lets this shit post?
This idiot author deserves to go straight to hell. Eat shit, author, and die.
well I wasn't
Originally I wasn't going to comment, but upon further review:
It is my fervent hope that this (and I use the term loosely) "writer" is as they say "One and done."
its IR not LW
best I can say is wrong category, its really IR but mentally NC and Fetish. Stories of the mentally ill aren't really erotic;
This story wanders all over the map
and as such, fails to entertain much. Threesome, cheating, poly, cheating, gangbang, children of doubtful parentage, wow, you threw in everything but the kitchen sink
Hilarious!
This is supposed to be satire, I assume. It may be the funniest story I've read on this site. Thanks for sharing.
Everybody thought this was crap.
Except for one guy. Figures. No accounting for taste. No score, unlike others who score to offset. Sounds like another writer who crawled out of the sewer to spew his garbage into loving wives.
Yeah sure...
If in the later ages of his life this guy is able to even make it through 20 women in 48 hours he would have been too good as his younger self for her to be looking for better cock. At 40, 20 in 48 hours? This doesnt belong in humor and satire but science fiction.. lol
Satire?
Even this being a satire, it's a weak one and have a lot of holes...the 1st one was how did she contacted David if he didn't give her his contact? But nevertheless not a good story...1*....
Wow. Only one commenter with a sense of humor.
a bunch of fucktards otherwise. Specially the turd with his opposing opinions spiel.
He was her emotional strength?
What was she to him? With all of the disrespect, deciet and lying, ANY sort of emotional bond seems unlikely.
"OH sorry about all the cuckolding, sweetie. Here, have an impossible task with 20 hired whores to try to make up for it."
Even with Viagra, and the suspension of disbelief that scenario requires, Interesting how SHE can't be the one to make it up to him, herself, she has to sub-contract out her sexual expression for him, just as she demanded he do for her all of those years.
The idea that the children were his, and that they stopped the open marriage for a time, seems (at best) like a weak explanation toward the stability of the marriage. I'll buy it, but have to remind you that it was the cheap way to go. A common comment to writers is the need for them to "show, not tell" how a character feels. All you showed of this wife was the contempt and resentment of her husband for not being black, or born with multiple dicks. She NEVER once really thanked him for his tolerance and patience with her, and the 40th birthday orgy seemed insincere at best.
OK, so I wasn't supposed to take this too seriously? I have no sense of humor? Well you did post in LW, not H/S! Even IR would have been more appropriate. As for telling the story of a marriage, this attempt fails, unless the point is to say:
Here is a marriage that NO MAN would wish on his worst enemy!
Or something like:
What not to do in an open marriage.
Or maybe:
20 years of enduring disrespect and cuckolding MIGHT (just might?) earn you 48 hours of self indulgence one day. Maybe.....
OK, after all of that negativity, here is the positive thing I have.
It is VERY hard to provide character development in a flash story. Here, you DID try. The best part was that you actually tried to go beyond just descriptions of one or two sex scenes. You try to tell us that they stayed together, and a little of the aftermath. You didn't stay focused only on the here and now, but also tried to offer a glimpse of the future. I think it very telling that they closed the open marriage for a time, in order to ensure marital survival. It (the marriage AND the story) sucks because of how unrealistic it all seemed. It is a weak scenario that needed stronger descriptions of the bond between these two that would've counter-acted the descriptions of her disrespect and betrayal. But, the fact that you tried to tell more of the story, is huge, and I want to reward it. This 2 star effort will get a 4 from me (especially since, as Drew Carey AND Swingerjoe will tell you: "It's all made up, and the points don't matter!").
Keep developing your characters, focus on improving your dialogue, and good luck in future endeavors.
Utter Garbage
Give up writing you have no talent.
Badly written
Any story was trashed by the writing. When did it take place? Past and present tenses used indiscriminately. It jumps weeks and years in the same paragraph. What were the "too" (?) of them up to?
Pure crap
worthless
re: and liked the story because it really pissed of the annony assholes
I was going to ask if you realized how stupid it is posting an anonymous comment that partially trashes people for being anonymous, but based on the rest of your comments and how badly written they are, it's obvious the answer is "no". The concept is too complex for you to understand.
well at least it wasn't stupid.
Ha ha ha ha, -5 !
huh?
Starts out pretty interesting, then halfway through takes a left turn and loses all believability.
shit
I give this 1 star as it is short if it was shorter I would give it 3stars if it was never written I would give it 5stars
One of the best ones I've ever read!
The last anony comment I mean. Just great! Oh, your story sucks. Just glad its fiction. If real it could generate its own black hole. Oh, it is a black hole. Or is that hoe? Ho?
Yep, it sucked.
Just another pathetic cum-sucking faggot wasting space on the internet.
Hope this is the only pile of dog shit effort from this demented want-to-be writer.
Putrid at best.
Delicious Threesome!
I rather enjoyed this story and was sad it ended too abruptly. I'd have liked to have read all about the 5 on 1. The idea that you fell into a polyamorous relationship is seldom heard and that could be developed as well. Forget about these haters that waste time on negative comments. The story is not for them and they ought to spend time on things they actually like. I would have liked to meet this threesome!
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