Twisted Ch. 01

Mystery

Interesting and descriptive beginning
Please continue

seriously

please bring more.Dude this story is awesome

Your stories good I really want to know what's going to happen next. Can u please post the rest of the story

Promising

I think.your note that the story is a touch rough.and unedited rings true. It seems to go from A to B with no reasons, or insights. There are loads of people on the site who edit work and work with new writers. My advice would be check the forums, re-write this chapter so it makes a bit more sense, and then go on to continue what is a promising and interesting storyline. Hope this helps.

So far so good. Please continue.

More

It's good add more please

Sweet!

This is really good :) can't wait to read more

Great but

You have a great story line, good characters as well but it's a little rushed. If you have a good build, it will b one of the best stories here. Stories about female lesbian cops are always very hot. If u check out some cops stories here, it will help make the story Amazing. That notwithstanding, I will b looking forward to chapter 2. Great Attempt.

Definitely has potential

You may want to read Colleen Thomas's piece about how to write erotica for women. I agree that things were too rushed, but you definitely have potential as a writer. Get an editor and keep writing!

Odd man out

I guess that I'm going to have to be the odd man out in this list of comments. The story is generally poorly written but if you are a beginner then you should improve with time and practice. However, the whole plot was a string of improbabilities. Examples follow: How can you recognise somebody in the distance at night in a rainstorm as an undercover cop? How did the narrator know Trista's name when it wasn't even mentioned? How come Morgan, a cop, shot the would-be assailant but wasn't at the scene when the women arrived? How could Trista pronounce the shot man dead---in any police procedure, that's a doctor's job? How come Trista, a supposedly experienced cop, just calls in a crime scene and then walks away from it? It reads as if you were in such a hurry to write the story that you didn't stop to think about it very much. Good writing takes time, sometimes a lot of time, but it's time well spent if you want to avoid a mish-mash like this.