All Comments on 'The Chemical Pt. 01'

I know you've been looking for comments, and I hate to be so negative while posting a first one, but I'm afraid I have little choice.

I understand that you are a novice, but one really can't be a writer without at least a rudimentary understanding of the most basic of language conventions. I say this as someone who knows and has worked with a large number of well-published authors, as someone who is married to one, and who is in the process of reading through and editing novels at the moment from three different people.

Your work is very close to unreadable because of the continuous grammatical and spelling errors and your inability to decide whether you are telling the story in first or third person. Those are really basic things, and it's really not worth going into criticisms of plot or character (which definitely need a ton of work) when you don't seem to care enough to work on the basics while it was "reworked numerous times". I'm not some kind of grammar nazi, and I know numerous writers who are terrible at spelling, but they work to overcome this as opposed to putting it out for people to suffer through.

Get a copy of Strunk and White and take some time with it.

Stop worrying about how your story will develop for the moment, and worry about the readability and importance of each sentence. Ask yourself why it is needed, and why any reader should care enough to read it. If you can't figure that out, then take the sentence out.

The bottom line for fiction is that there's very little new under the sun in terms of plot or story idea, and good fiction is more about how something unfolds and how it captivates its readers than what the plot is.

But before you get to that, take the time to fix the basics. I mean: seamen? Really? If you're going to write erotica, that's a word you ought to be able discern from its homophone and spell correctly.

Your plot is sound, but your story would have benefitted if you worked

with an editor.

Not bad for an 8 year old

good concept, interesting plot line, dialogue needs more fluidity. Overall an editor would provide many benefits as noted previously - please find an editor and do write some more.

Your writing problems are way beyond an editor. I don't think you will find one that even begin to correct all of the problems.

As you finish your last two years of high school. take plenty of English classes.

Sorry to be so harsh, but I couldn't even finish the first page, the mistakes in spelling, grammar, punctuation, perspective and conventions of dialog were so thick.

Please take some courses in English and Creative Writing.

You have wonderful ideas here, but, as others have stated, you are losing your readers due to bad grammar. If you can begin to recognize an independent clause from a dependent clause (and punctuate them correctly), your stories would be 100% more readable.

Don't let your good ideas get lost. You have a great imagination. Keep writing! :)

Your spelling, punctuation, and sentence structure is so atrocious than even with an editor the story would have to be re-written in it's entirety. Give it up. You are going to receive nothing but bad comments. Really sorry. Ciao!

"Mr. Madison, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response was there anything that could even be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul!"

Okay, I wouldn't have liked this story, no way how good it may have been, because of the incest, and gay cocksucking. NOT MY CUP OF TEA!!! But seriously, please do something about your grammar. I actually managed to read through the first two chapters in the hope it would become better. But alas, I was disappointed. Very much Disappointed.

Your spelling is atrocious. so manny words are spelled wrong that it sometimes makes it difficult to understand what you actually wanted to write. Even more so, since you frequently use even wrong words. With some effort I can find out what you actually meant to write, but it is frustrating. It is like you don't remember the right word, and just use another random word with a totally different meaning. Please for the future, in this or other stories, get your writing sorted out, because you actually have quite an immagination. I would like to in the future, see stories from you, where you don't scare away the readers with this kind of mix of bad grammar, and wrong words.

Best of wishes

What was someone suppose to edit? This is a collection of random words that simply cannot be deciphered.

Seaman for semen??? Give me a break!! Can't read this with all the typos. Sorry.

To say the story has poor grammar, ackward construction and poor story telling would be too kind. It reads like a junior high boy wrote it. I couldn't bare to read more than chapter one.

Really? Wrote an erotic story published it and thought seaman was the same as semen? Really??

semen, not seaman

WTF? He needed almost no coaxing to start sucking dick.

You really have a thing for gay blowjobs don't you? You should put in a gay tag.

You should change this from Novels/Novellas to How To Fail at Basic Writing Skills.

I honestly had to fight myself to read past the first two paragraphs and was mentally punching myself in the face for doing so. I understood the premise, it was nothing new or special. The execution was just horrendous. I honestly considered editing this story for you, but I came to the conclusion I could actually print your story, wipe my ass with it, and craft a better story about my shit stain in less time then it would take to correct all the problems.

Save this story. Learn to read. Learn to write. Learn grammar. Learn Spelling, Learn story craft. Learn characterization, character development and character motivation. Then come back, read this story, laugh at yourself, and if you truly believe that this story can be saved; rewrite the story with a new title and try again.

Use story search. You can literally find 30 stories about your premise done better.

How to generate single stars

Literotica will publish *anything*

Education System Fail

ESL should be longer

Grammatic.com