This series, The Family Fortune, is the first I have read of your work and it started out with a lot of promise, but my interest faded in chapter three and it is really suffering after chapter four. I read the incest/taboo stories because there is normally a slow buildup of sexual tension between the parties prior to a release of that energy. This happened between mom and son in the first two chapters and I was looking forward to more of the same.
Since then the storyline has lost the buildup of the characters developing their desires for one another, and then slowly exposing that desire to the person of interest. Instead, what has occurred is a virgin asking her brother (almost, but not quite), "Wanna fuck?" That wasn't what I was expecting after the first two chapters. Number three got four stars from me, but chapter four only received three stars. I'll try out chapter five when it is published, but in the meantime I'll check out your other stories. Those titles and their ratings show a lot of promise.
I'd love to see the story continue as it started, background and develop into the BAMM factor ,lol. I'd love to give this story 5 but I never ever give more than 4 stars for a single page chapter. I'd sooner you spend time writing 2-3 pages befor you send it in for us to read. Happy New Years/ bill
by
Anonymous12/31/14
re: You've Lost Me
The problem is the forced secrecy. niemand1994 seems to be determined to create tension and conflict where there isn’t any. In the first two chapters – and even the start of the third – the need to be secret about him fucking his mother was logical.
However, the moment he saw the pictures of Sarah and Dad, that changed everything. They were on even footing. Throw in him seeing Sarah and Pixie, and you’ve added the entire family. They are all somehow engaging in a incest/taboo situation. From that point on, the whole “shh, we have to keep this a secret” bit doesn’t make any real sense. So what if Mom and Sarah had come home and found him with Pixie? What are they going to say? “How can you two be doing what we essentially have also been doing?!”
Seeing the Sarah and Pixie 69ing was one thing. Even at their ages, given his mindset after Mom’s admonishments regarding secrecy, he could have been passed off as youthful experimentation. But the pics of Dad and Sarah? Uh uh. From that point on, the only logical story was how and when to bring everyone together. There was no need for secrecy.
If it was niemand1994’s intention to build tension and conflict, the discovery of the Dad/Sarah pics should have been held off for later. Now, it’s just dragging things out.
by
Anonymous01/04/15
Too short, too "choppy"
Chap. 1 had a lot of promise, but there is no real development of the story or characters since then. Just a lot of reactions. Also, if you are going to keep cranking out only 1 page at a time, I'll probably pass from now on.
English
nice
But way to short
You've Lost Me
This series, The Family Fortune, is the first I have read of your work and it started out with a lot of promise, but my interest faded in chapter three and it is really suffering after chapter four. I read the incest/taboo stories because there is normally a slow buildup of sexual tension between the parties prior to a release of that energy. This happened between mom and son in the first two chapters and I was looking forward to more of the same.
Since then the storyline has lost the buildup of the characters developing their desires for one another, and then slowly exposing that desire to the person of interest. Instead, what has occurred is a virgin asking her brother (almost, but not quite), "Wanna fuck?" That wasn't what I was expecting after the first two chapters. Number three got four stars from me, but chapter four only received three stars. I'll try out chapter five when it is published, but in the meantime I'll check out your other stories. Those titles and their ratings show a lot of promise.
to short
I'd love to see the story continue as it started, background and develop into the BAMM factor ,lol. I'd love to give this story 5 but I never ever give more than 4 stars for a single page chapter. I'd sooner you spend time writing 2-3 pages befor you send it in for us to read. Happy New Years/ bill
re: You've Lost Me
The problem is the forced secrecy. niemand1994 seems to be determined to create tension and conflict where there isn’t any. In the first two chapters – and even the start of the third – the need to be secret about him fucking his mother was logical.
However, the moment he saw the pictures of Sarah and Dad, that changed everything. They were on even footing. Throw in him seeing Sarah and Pixie, and you’ve added the entire family. They are all somehow engaging in a incest/taboo situation. From that point on, the whole “shh, we have to keep this a secret” bit doesn’t make any real sense. So what if Mom and Sarah had come home and found him with Pixie? What are they going to say? “How can you two be doing what we essentially have also been doing?!”
Seeing the Sarah and Pixie 69ing was one thing. Even at their ages, given his mindset after Mom’s admonishments regarding secrecy, he could have been passed off as youthful experimentation. But the pics of Dad and Sarah? Uh uh. From that point on, the only logical story was how and when to bring everyone together. There was no need for secrecy.
If it was niemand1994’s intention to build tension and conflict, the discovery of the Dad/Sarah pics should have been held off for later. Now, it’s just dragging things out.
Too short, too "choppy"
Chap. 1 had a lot of promise, but there is no real development of the story or characters since then. Just a lot of reactions. Also, if you are going to keep cranking out only 1 page at a time, I'll probably pass from now on.
I'm enjoying this story overall, but chapter was way too short.
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