My Homeless Daddy

The fuck is a 18 year old girl doing by herself walking down a dark alley 10:30 at night?

Haha, she calls him sir.

It's reads as though the author's knowledge of 18 year old girls is limited to something he once read on the Internet.

Applause.

I enjoyed this very much. I understand that this is probably your first piece. Hope you post more in the future, AngelicLove.

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Fellow Literotica User

You didn't make much of the sex. I mean, she's getting penetrated for the first time (including anal!) - that's a big deal and you just brushed over it.

I think you are confused and should quit before further embarrassing yourself

Get and editor, stop jumping around and for the love of everything erotic, remember WHERE you are in a story.
Stop typing like you are ignorant of being an adult.
Don't you ever remember being a virgin?
Pussy Ass Pussy
What is a virgin doing turning down a dark alley and even getting close to an old man.
So many holes in this story.

Need more of this stuff!

Maybe a continuation? Good job.

you show promise

Ignore the hatred. Anonymous is synonymous with "douchebag" in the peer review world. I agree that your story could benefit from some development on several issues. However that is all part of the learning curve and any seasoned writer would give you credit for the completion and submission of your work. Might I suggest joining goodreads dot com and participate in the forums and groups, also coursera offers a great writing course for free. If you have a tablet or even a phone with a good data plan get the kindle app and download a few free books in your niche. Also there is a lifetime of free how to books on the art of storytelling. If I were you I would start with a few books on the "Show don't tell method" Good luck you will do great.
-maliceon

absolute drivel...

That would have to be the most banal piece of erotic writing that I have ever wasted my time reading. I pray the author takes these comments to heart, so that we may never be subjected to such trite drivel again. I implore you. Please for the sake of humanity.
Yes folks - that bad.