More please. Love the way she sucked his cock afterwards, see it in a lot of asian videos - it is a total turn on.
by
Anonymous01/01/15
you dont need to mention the size of her boobs every time... redundency is very distracting another example is the word Asian... you should leed the reader's imagination not drag it. also if the wife had sex with the first friend.. I'm sure she knew right away she was with a second man if she had a 10 inch dick in her mouth... be realistic. .. I couldn't even finish it from all the distractions. but keep writting you have potential.
by
Anonymous01/02/15
More
Tell us about Phils wife! Maybe there could be a wife swap! Maybe Lin could get it on with all three!
Now this one gets a 4*. Its much better discriptive, but you know? 10inches now?? Why don't you fuck your wife when you get home?? You watch the camera, & are turned on by her fucking those other guys, so it seem natural that you would jump her bones too. In chptr#1 you wanted to get her to suck your dick in the future. You getting any head now?? If so let us hear about it.
Different angle but I like it. I wouldn't guide the story toward confrontation / exposure of affair. Progress maybe toward more lying, nights out with boyfriends. Denial of hubby / humiliation, maybe cock cage and long term chastity for hubby (for the good of the marriage) while at the same time weekends away (with family? lame excuses). Again, nice hook, lying hot wife. Maybe hard lies to the hubby's face. 2 week get aways with boyfriend (hubby locked in cage at home) to some beach....pretense of family emergency.
Specter of moving out of hubby's house to live with better man is terrific cuck arousal. Maybe video tape of wife discussing exactly that with her lover.
English
More please. Love the way she sucked his cock afterwards, see it in a lot of asian videos - it is a total turn on.
you dont need to mention the size of her boobs every time... redundency is very distracting another example is the word Asian... you should leed the reader's imagination not drag it. also if the wife had sex with the first friend.. I'm sure she knew right away she was with a second man if she had a 10 inch dick in her mouth... be realistic. .. I couldn't even finish it from all the distractions. but keep writting you have potential.
More
Tell us about Phils wife! Maybe there could be a wife swap! Maybe Lin could get it on with all three!
Much Better
Now this one gets a 4*. Its much better discriptive, but you know? 10inches now?? Why don't you fuck your wife when you get home?? You watch the camera, & are turned on by her fucking those other guys, so it seem natural that you would jump her bones too. In chptr#1 you wanted to get her to suck your dick in the future. You getting any head now?? If so let us hear about it.
cucking
Cheating cuck!
Different angle but I like it. I wouldn't guide the story toward confrontation / exposure of affair. Progress maybe toward more lying, nights out with boyfriends. Denial of hubby / humiliation, maybe cock cage and long term chastity for hubby (for the good of the marriage) while at the same time weekends away (with family? lame excuses). Again, nice hook, lying hot wife. Maybe hard lies to the hubby's face. 2 week get aways with boyfriend (hubby locked in cage at home) to some beach....pretense of family emergency.
Specter of moving out of hubby's house to live with better man is terrific cuck arousal. Maybe video tape of wife discussing exactly that with her lover.
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