The story was is fine, premise is good, but from a writing perspective, you fall into the trap of so many authors. Specifically you tell too much. Instead of describing every nuance, let the characters do the work and the readers will fill in the details. Who cares about the color of the shirt or the length of the penis or the type of convention? Set the stage and let the reader imagine some of the detail. Your role is to set it up and create tension and dialogue. You're not to describe everything as one would with a painting or a park. Your role is to enable imagination and fantasy and get the reader in the scene as fast as possible.
Grammar and spellchecking are good. Often overlooked but you didn't. Good first effort.
English
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The story was is fine, premise is good, but from a writing perspective, you fall into the trap of so many authors. Specifically you tell too much. Instead of describing every nuance, let the characters do the work and the readers will fill in the details. Who cares about the color of the shirt or the length of the penis or the type of convention? Set the stage and let the reader imagine some of the detail. Your role is to set it up and create tension and dialogue. You're not to describe everything as one would with a painting or a park. Your role is to enable imagination and fantasy and get the reader in the scene as fast as possible.
Grammar and spellchecking are good. Often overlooked but you didn't. Good first effort.
watching tele!!
are you mad you've got this woman pissed she's wanting you like crazy and your watching tele
Nice story
Good story. Excellent chemistry between these two. And the ending will hopefully lead to a sequel. Thanks.
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