Hubby Said No

not very good copying

Come on this is an abreviated derivative bit of plagiarism. It is not erotic and not really a story.

Maybe rework the ending?

Doesn't syphilis take decades to advance to dementia? And can't it be treated if it caught early?

Somewhat like De Sade's Justine.

It was straight up almost expository writing style narrative. Little emotional color to the language, almost flat.

Since I wrote, "He said no," quite awhile ago...

I had to check out this story to see if it was similar. Although you handled it differently, the premise of the story is very close, although I guess you can say that about half the stories written on here.

I didn't score it, I didn't think that would be fair.

THE WARNING WAS:::IF YOU LOVE ME YOU'LL LET ME GO

and he did. TK U MLJ LV NV

Damn

Although the premise is familiar the outcome is the same. Fucking dead stupid worthless cunt, now burning in hell.

Rushed too fast at the end...

..and it seemed that you wanted to finish quickly. I would have enjoyed reading a story with more substance, although this one is quite nicely written anyway. I sort of missed a description of her reaction as she realized her husband had left. Jumped too far there, I believe.

3*

Weird and simplistic at the end.

Good basic plot that fell apart at the end.

Not very good.

It really had no emotion and raised no interest.

OK but too short

I agree with some of the other comments made, it was too short and could have been made into a longer story. Would have liked to have seen a meeting between the two so he could at least vent his anger at her.

I don't know...

I don't know how some people comment this story...The simple a cheated person takes it, the more damages are done in the cheater...For me he was very patient, but he did what he had to do...She died, but even if she didn't her life was ruined for ever...

Flat, boring, but then came to expect that from this 1 page 'writer'. 1*

Dancing is the same as

SEX. When are people going to realize that?

loved it nd gave it a 5

morning asshole annony!!

Too short

Not developed. Deserves a 3*, but I gave it a 4 to balance (a bit) of the anony idiot who through in the 1.

so you have an outline for a fairly standard LW plot...

The comments MOSTLY seem to say: You should have fleshed the story out more BEYOND just the outline stage. More dialogue would have helped. And Yes, a better written confrontation, and more descriptive scenes with her reacting to his leaving her. Example: She talks to a girlfriend about how she never thought he'd leave her, and doesn't fully understand why he did. Another scene could be after she gets sick, and the full regret sinks in about how he was right all along. How she wishes he was there to care for her, but only if she hadn't cheated.....etc. etc.

One of the big things that was missing for me was in how he talked (or actually DIDN'T talk) to her BEFORE the night she went out to get fucked. He said NO. It was clear. She wasn't listening. Got all of that, but....

He never asked her WHY would she want to fantasize that way? Where did she get the porn? Why did she feel she wanted to open the relationship?
It was all well and good for him to explain how he felt, but he didn't give her any reasons why he felt that way either? They never even talked about all of the conseqences fully. Despite everything, he still failed her in his failure to fully communicate with her.

Even if she fully understood his posistion, he hadn't gotten her to change her mind.

Effective communication would NOT just be "don't do this, and don't say this". He needed to understand the why of it all for her, and worked on combating THAT if he really wanted to prevent the sad outcome of this story from happening.

I REALLY like and appreciate consequences stories. I like to see heartless cheaters punished. I wanted to like your story, and if it was more than just an outline, I probably would have. But this character needed to go through the rest of his life with some regrets. And it shouldn't just be an inability to trust women. When he looks in the mirror, he has to realize that if he were to ask the question
"Did I do EVERYTHING in my power to prevent the tragedy of my first marriage?"
The answer is NO.
Perhaps your story could have explained some of this and kept the same results, and it would STILL have been better, because it would have been more filled out and more of a complete and balanced story.

Anyway, thanks for your effort. Keep writing, and Good Luck!

how true

but the author should know this is a site for sick fucks who have the i.Q. of onions,

I did like the plot

wish you would have developed further...

Sad story, if underdeveloped....

The writing is excellent for what is there. Character development is weak. Kathy deserved what she got but the end was quick and unsatisfying. Two pages of babble from the woman and then in about 4 paragraphs... wrapped up.

Thank you for submitting it. Over the past few months it has become apparent that the tastes of readers and the "editorial" staff of Literotica has committed to cuckoldry as normal and desirable and the destruction of heterosexual males the ultimate goal. Lots of man hating women and queens writing and commenting. Real sick puppies.

This story could have been the exception to the very low standards in Loving Wives as of late. I had hopes but was disappointed.

As of late I have been asking about other erotica sites on the web that are less cuck and emasculation oriented but haven't figured out how to keep track of responses. I can be emailed through the site and welcome suggestions, just not mindless babble.

Paint by numbers BTB outline

This wasn't a story as much as it was a paint-by-numbers outline of the standard, dead-horse-beaten, BTB plot. It was like reading a Mad Libs story where only the names of the characters changed.

Jealous and vengeful hubby? Check.

Inexplicably selfish wife? Check.

Divorce/STD's/death? Check.

Lather, rinse, repeat. Maybe reading this same, tired plot over and over again in hundreds of stories is therapeutic for some guys, but it bores me to tears. LW readers often complain about the repetitiveness of the "happy cuck" storyline, and I completely agree. It would be nice to see those same people complain about the monotonous BTB stories.

great story

she should have listen to him. there was no doubt what he meant.

She never realized?

What? Was she wearing earplugs when he REPEATEDLY told her how he felt? This story started out okay, but the ending ruined it by being too short. And her quick demise just weakened the story further.

Medical facts

Long time untreated treponema pallidum (some years!) bacteria (Syphilis) causes dementia. This time was too short for tabes and dementia. She was in the second period in the shyphilis or the begining of the third. All phases are treated well with antibiotics to avoid tabes and dementia.

5 stars

Good tale supporting why married folks should not hang out with single friends at clubs.... A no brainer for most of us.

not a bad start

But the epilogue was pathetic. Someone has psychological issues that need attention.

Suffered from raging cleches

For starters the did not have a good marriage "They were deeply in love and enjoyed each other's company immensely. They were compatible intellectually and enjoyed lively discussions about both national and international issues." They were clearly mismatched sexually, and moer important, could not talk about sex. She laid out something that turned her on, instead of discussing it, and suggesting acceptable options, he just shut her down.

I'm not condoning cheating, but confronted with a wife who was turned on by something he hated, he suggested nothing in return. Lots of people enjoy seeing that which they themselves wouldn't want in reality. He didn't bring up tole playing, no new positions, exhibitionsim, sex toys, other porn movies.

In general, I think you migjht want to work to bring nuance and subtley into your work. Try to make the characters closer to average, forget 36DD tits, go with 36B. try to show more personality in the characters.
The cheating was sort of over written, following her in a borrowed car, the dancing in the bar in the early evening? Maybe 40 years ago, but nowhere I've been in the last 20 years, her picking up a guy in front of work mates is another oddity. Why broadcast that you're a slut to your co-workers. He follows he to the stranger's house peeking through the window., running away, and the retrubition, not at all beleavable, You hit so many cleche's it did seem like you were checking them off of a list. Too much of the same old same old.
Realistically, in the end, she knew her marriage was dead, and when he ran away, she should have shed a brief tear for the end of her dead marriage and the failure of earlier dreams, and moved on with her life. You want revenge? Obvioulsly she is a poor judge of character, make her next husband a dissolute shit bag wife beater!

There should be no exploring your spouse wanting to spice up a marriage by fucking others or cheating. She knew his stance but did it anyway but people in commited relationships cheat often so I guess she just didn't care

Not going to comment, other than to say.....

....too many gaping holes to make its mark.

Lit EROTICA

About as erotic as a root canal. (Assuming you are NOT a masochist!)
2*

Good story

5 stars.
It served her right to get the syphilis.
It's "assets" not "asserts."

poorly wrtten story

death from syphilis, dementia all in a year bullshit. this story makes no sense .

Wretched

I know the BTB die-hards will flame me, but a death sentence for one-time when she (stupidly I admit) thought he wanted it, is a BIT extreme, don't you think?

Second, I know she was apparently too stupid to listen to what he SAID, instead of what she wanted to hear, but hopefully HE was a LITTLE more intelligent, heard what she said, and presumably knew what she was going to do.

Then he follows her, SEES her going into the house, and simply snaps a couple of pictures and walks away? Why not pound on the door, grab her and say, "I TOLD you I didn't want this!"

Then she either realizes her misunderstanding and leaves, or she says screw you, I want this, and THEN he can dump her ass!

good morning asshole bonnietaylor2

Although it could have been a better btb story it was adequate. Anything is better than the swinging/willing cuckold stories that dominate this category. Gave it a 5 also, not to piss anybody off, just because we need to keep these writers around. Too many of the sissy wimpy swingers and cuckold already on this site.

Bullseye

Watched my best friend go thru almost exactly they same situation except his ex-wife
contracted HIV. It was found in bloodtest about 30 days after incident and formed full blown AIDS shortly after. She passed less than 2 years later leaving their 2 little girls and crushing My friend again.. He dates but has trust issues to this day.
Life imitates art?? or Art imitates Life?? it is a shame either way.

5*. My protest vote for the neverending stream of cuck trash. But story does need more fleshing out.

And "slutting out with co-workers", not happening, especially publicly, from my experience in a faily large workplace, this wife would have been treated like she had a bad case of Ebola, none of us want to be 'condemned by association". I find that these people realise sooner or later they are being shunned, when the divorce happens as it inevitably does, they disappear from the district.

Medical facts

Yes HIV would have been better and before the new medicines and with the old type viruses would have coused quick death during AIDS. Not clishe, but true 20 years before. The author had to chose this but I gives 5***** for not cuck story.

Not a WACC. Yeah.

@KarenE
In the real world, STDs are real - often a death sentence and if not often with life long consequences. And nobody does it to the cheater but themselves. As to why not try to stop her? Why bother? She is a slut. The idea that a spouse can stop their partner from cheating is ridiculous. Once she decided to cheat she wasn't worth staying married to. Cucks live with it. Real men don't.

re: Paint by numbers BTB outline

Well, ya saved me from spending time writing comments on this. This pretty much summed up what I was going to say, including "LW readers often complain about the repetitiveness of the "happy cuck" storyline, and I completely agree." Repetitive is repetitive, whether it's pro or con.

Cheaters should DIE! sounds about right.

If you ignore your spouse and do whatever you want then you are not really in a two way loving relationship anyway. Once you cheat you deserve what ever happens; even if that is contracting a deadly disease. And frankly, that is easier on the non-cheating spouse. Death is so final.

For those of you that wanted it to be a BTB or "what if..." or "why didn't he..." story.... Write one yourself and submit to other critics.

disappointing

It was flat,was done by rote,and there was little to make it believable or enjoyable.others have pointed out the problems with syphilis killing her,and hiv even in the pre cocktail days takes a lot of years to become full blown.@Sgt major if your friends wife developed aids that fast,it meant she had been infected years before....which if that was anywhere within the last 20 years or so,pregnant women are,routinely tested for hiv,so if she had young children she couldn't have had it Ling enough...this could have happened in the 80's before they tested women who were pregnant,and she had been infected long before.

While it is true that the basic plot of a btb is pretty straightforward, it is in the nuances that a story happens.For example,the guy who infected her could decide she infected him and killed her them committed suicide....I also wonder about him needing to be bisexual,if the guy was screwing women only bareback he could get infected,the largest vector of stds by far happen from straight sex with people who aren't bi,so what was the point of the guy being bi? The fact he picked anyone up for unprotected sex is the point.

dickhead

Reads like a thinly veiled threat. Do hotwifes threaten you? I suppose the lifestyle is going to feel threatening for some guys, well don't worry, i don't think ALL women are brazen hussys that need to be kept in check with strong male leadership.

Gave it a 2

And here is why. Others have said it; this was a paint by numbers story. There was no imagination and this could have gone many ways if you had thought about it. At one page you rushed the story, as well.

You had potential and wasted it. For that, I could only give you a 2**. But,, by all means try again but this time think about what you are writing and check with an editor.

Sincerely,
C

Hotwives don't threaten me....

but the notion makes me sad. Every bonobo female is a hotwife and every male is a cuck. If that's where you want to be on the evolutionary scale... go for it.

To each his/her own but don't claim "enlightenment" or "openness" for promiscuity and looking to satisfy baser instincts first. The woman (or man) who has multiple casual partners may have persuaded herself/himself that they are more free but they have lost the freedom to be faithful to her/his partner.

It's an outline.

Too bad you didn't flesh it out more. You also should have done some research on syphilis.

While STDs exist and syphilis is a nasty one, she sure died from it awfully fast! It usually takes years for it to advance to the stage where it's no longer curable.

"By the time she was concerned enough to go and see a doctor she had advanced stage syphilis." Hitler had syphilis for over a decade. He was reportedly in the dementia stage during WW II. She would've been diagnosed when she went to the doctor for a physical LONG before she entered the final stages of the disease.

I'm not a huge fan of killing off the Wifey character, unless it's cleverly done and she's excessively evil. This Wifey wasn't excessively evil, and it wasn't cleverly done. She was just dense.

3 Stars. You have some talent, but you need to develop it some more. I recommend some online writing workshops.

Boring piece of crap

paint by numbers
cliché
formula
badly researched
poorly written

LIKE

I liked the story--FUCK THE DICK HEADS who did not like the story. Fucking asshole crack heads.

Pointless

Most boring story ever

Idiot Anon

I loved the fool who said "Dancing is the same as sex, when will they understand that?".
Reminds me of the joke why don't Methodists fornicate standing up? Because god might think they were dancing.

Seriously anon, I danced with my mother at my wedding, that's incest? My wife danced with her father, hugged him and put her head on his chest. Incest?

I suspect anon had to get someone else to write that comment for him/her

Your Epilogue Ruined IT**

. It was a well used but entertaining storyline until you put the epilogue at the end.

Flat and emotionless

Flat and emotionless story which makes you feel that the author is lecturing you.