Hurt Me - I Deserve It

Damn

Either I read this wrong or there are fucking hypocrites in this tale.

Fuck

nothing good to say

i see why the low scores, no ability to read and write to your audience.

Fucking learn how to write AND to edit, fuck there were so many errors!

Not bad

I thought it was a good story. The reveal of his own affair kind of ruined it for me,but not bad.

another person

with an I.Q. of a turnip.

Not a story...

This is not a story, but only a cheating man babbling about how good a cheater and a man he was...He didn't understand that nothing of what he did made him a better man...

I.Q of a turnip

That comment made me laugh out loud! It was without a doubt the only redeeming thing about this whole stupid story.




Alice

The changes in tense, sometimes in the same sentence....

.....pretty nearly did me in before the end of the first paragraph.
But the twist at the end. ".....we've been lovers for years.".....soundly killed the only thing you had going for you. It was tough to read, full of bad grammar.....well it was simply horrible......you managed to completely ruin one of the few good ideas for a story to hit the LW category in a long, long time....and you buried it!

OK, look..... Learn the English language....learn it well. Learn to speak it, then learn to write it following the rules that make it what it is.
Then, when moved to write a story, write it as an outline first, and read the outline out loud. If it sounds to your ears (and, risking a little...the ears of somone whose judgement and honesty you trust) like something you might hear about or read in a magazine, then you might...MIGHT have the beginnings of a decent story. Then writing it out, fleshing out the outline to completely tell the story, read it out loud and see how it sounds to your ears. Edit it for silly or stupid phrasing, dialog, or just plain to get it to read well. Edit the crap out of it for tense, person, number, grammar, spelling and flow....you know, from one moment to the next, like life, it needs to move smoothly. Save herky-jerky for dramatic moments.
Then, have your trusted friend read it, and if they don't puke all over it and you, then you MIGHT have a story you can be proud of. More editing and a lot of hand writing and there may be hope for you.....because you seem prone to good ideas for stories......but you absolutely slaughter then in the delivery.

Oh, and don't forget. A story has a beginning, a middle and an end.
It's a lot more work...and you'll still get crucified in the forum, but it won't be for submitting a collection of words that are a complete waste of time.....and that nearly make no sense at all.....

Nice twist there at the end

Good story

i enjoyed this story pparticularly the ending which I did not see coming, Keep up the good work

5 great LW story

annony is just an old ugly fat fag!!

1*

Vote 1* for 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐅𝐀𝐓 𝐃𝐔𝐌𝐁 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐘 𝐖𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐄™ (that's what her clients call her) aka BONNIE/VASTIE aka NEEDYOU200 aka ANON!