All Comments on 'Unconscious Revenge'

You are a sad creature if that's your view of life

Total trash.

You have a good premise, a flawed execution and no real character development.

The characters should have been fleshed out more with conflicts between the main guy and his sister and his mother. The fighting should have included his mother and the two women.

The paramedic should have been included in scenes with his family where he acts like a jerk but only the hero can see it.

Instead of demanding no kids from another man he should have been asking to adopt the kids and done everything possible to befriend the kids.

The help of an editor would really help, even a buddy who will ask 'what do you mean here?'

Good luck, you have lots of potential.

The writer described a very pathetic man, it was indeed an unconscious revenge in more ways than one.

I had the idea that the coma was real, but the described events after 'waking up', were not. Although cheesy, I think this story would have been better, if he subconsciously experienced how his quest for revenge had ruined lives, and extended hurt and blame to those who were more or less innocent victims. This idea of getting Maria, out of revenge, but never claiming her heart NEEDED to be developed, and not with a role reversal that allows her to accept a poly-relationship. Kay, (smartly) should have stayed gone, and the paramedic should have rebounded after being fired and started a different business (medical supply company?) where he was wildly successful, and Kay had a much better life. This would have proved the point that even after taking 'revenge', you can't keep a good man down. As written. you made Luke a real asshole, who needed Karma to come back around and kick his ass. He cheated death, but instead of cherishing his second chance, he goes on an all out tear to destroy lives.

In my alternate version, in which he actually LEARNS some life lessons, he finally wakes up from the coma. It has been 3 months instead of years. None of the bad stuff has happened, and a pregnant Kay is overjoyed to see him and reschedule the wedding. After a vivid honeymoon sex scene, the settlement from the trucking company comes through, and the lawyer asks Luke if he wants to make Bill's termination a condition of accepting the settlement. He thinks back, smiles at Kay, and says "no, let him keep the job, but there needs to be a zero tolerance policy put in place for the use of amphetamines by any of the truckers. Handle it, I'm busy on my honeymoon. "

Sure, this would have made it a completely different story. But almost anything would have been better than this immature fantasy you DID cook up.

Good stories employ consequences. But, consequences are meaningless, if no one ever learns a lesson.

Thanks anyway........for trying.

I'm sorry this story is boring.

Luke, a very rich man, took revenge on an unemployed truck driver who had been pressured into working long hours. He had a wife and three kids yet Luke tried to take him for millions. Luke knew he would never get any of this, his revenge was pure spite. OK he lost his bride and maybe the accident did leave him bitter (which was not explored) but he should have been counselled to avoid what he did to Bill and Maria. If Luke got a large payout, then Kay would have got the same. She lost her baby after all. So presumable Rick was attracted to her for the money (again not explored) and took a slice of it when he left.

And then some of the things that happened need to be toned down into somewhat believable actions. As this sits it's simply too implausible, even for fiction, to make any sense or be any good. UGH!

He was'nt Rich to begin with. only after being out for 3 years did he become Rich.

as for the stoned Driver he took his chances and lost. as for Richard up his he seen a depressed woman moved in and got his in the End.

Very badly written story about cardboard characters, featuring an asshole protagonist.

Absolute worst story that I have read on Literotica.

He Life was Ruined after a 3 Year Coma! He Wanted Justice and Revenge! He Took Care of Everyone Except the 2 Men who Wronged Him! He Did What Most Would Think About Doing! An Editor Would Have Been Nice; But, the Story is Well-Constructed! I Really Enjoyed the Whole Thing!

Your main character was a whiny little cunt. Seriously it would have been better if he had died in the accident or stayed in a coma. His life wasnt ruined. He was in a coma for just 3 years. He could have been more understanding about the situation and built a better life for himself in the future. Had a family and all that. But this fuck had to go and ruin not only his own life but the life of all the people around him. I have read your stories and you need to come back to the real world.

This is the WORST story I have ever read on here! Do you know anything about comas to start with? After being out for 3 years, he ain't going to be up and about a month after he wakes up. Terrible punctuation, word choices and grammar. Not one likeable character, all are cardboard cutouts, the writing came across as childish.

He is a complete and utter asshole!

the christain way, the debauchery or life,..full of consequences. TK U MLJ LV NV

I have no problem with ruining Richard and Kay, but the truck driver and his family, not so sure about. I think once I found out that the trucking company had pushed the guy to drive longer hours in violation of trucking regs, I'd have shifted my revenge to the owners of the company. Bill and his family were already as good as living in Hell.

To start with the trucker really wouldn't need to do meth.

There are so many jobs for CDL drivers, for example I looked in a small city newspaper, during the worst of the Great Recession, of the 21 jobs listed that day 18 were CDL required, most days were pretty much like that.

The old advice "Write about what you know" would be better put as:

"Don't write about what you don't know."

You did very well to sustain the story line with all the twists and turns. I could not read fast enough. Most enjoyable. Thanks

First off, that accident must have really scrambled that guy's brain. He thinks it's okay to blackmail two different husbands for revenge just because he was in a coma for 3 years and his fiancé moved on. One or both of them should have just beat the holy cowboy shit out of the stupid bastard. Maybe he would have gotten the message he should just be glad to be alive, and move on with his own life.

The retribution in this tale really over the top.

You know this was an interesting read but totally preposterous. Still it was better than most tales coming out now.

Yeah, life fucked the guy over, but seriously he's a total asshole.

If anyone knows assholes it's you, you are a complete asshole head to toes and everything in between.

No one talks like this. No one acts like this. Has the author ever experienced a human interaction in his entire life?

Really need to have someone edit the story and correct the grammar and spelling. There are a lot of mistakes. As to content I find it too improbable. 3+ years is a long time to wait for recovery. Then I find the main character some what despicable, making life pretty much miserable for every one around him.

Silly story

What a total asshole. To bad Richard or Bill hadn’t shot him dead. That would have been the best ending for this creep. When an author writes a story like this one has to wonder what type of person he is to write this shit.

This author is one sick twisted asshole. I thought I would give him one more chance what a mistake. Does he think he is god or something. Dealing out punishment and not giving a shit who he hurts or how he treats women. I think anal sex is something he really wants. He is so obsessed with it. I would be surprised if his little Dick was big enough to make into anyone's ass. The way he sounds sounds to me he enjoys anal sex... as a bottom

Sadly dismal writing with confusing changes of point of view.

This was just sick

Jesus Christ what the fuck did I just read 💩💩💩💩💩

He should have just die, he was trash

What he did went way beyond revenge. Border-line insanity is a closer guess, I think. I agree, Bill was some kind of an asshole, and would probably go off the deep end, eventually, and Richard was a scumbag too, taking advantage of an emotional situation, took Kay at her most vonerable time. Her man is in a coma, and a baby in her belly; instead of helping her through this nightmare, he sticks his cock in her. Then there is you, Luke, quite possibility a bigger bastard than the other two, put together. Why do I think that this ain't over, and there won't be 'They lived happily everafter' to this story.

XYZ

jesus christ this thing needs to come with a bottle of jim bean... the gallon size...

not a revenge or payback ............ just insanity

Kay was innocent, so were richard and maria

bill was somewhat responsible.......... but the revenge was brutal and illogical

our emotional sympathy with the victim was till he didn't started his insane revenge......... after that, he is more a villain than hero.................. the most negative character of this tale

I have read many stories with heartless, cruel, hateful bitches who cheat, lie an take advantage of good people but all those pale in comparison to the reprehensible monster that is Luke. As some other comments say, he should have died in the wreck or been shot dead by Richard or Bill. And the preposterous proposition that either of these women could get over the ugliness of his character to find love for him is incomprehensible.