This is obviously influenced by a bias I have against tattoos, but even I enjoy the occasional ink here or there. What could've turned into an enjoyable brother and sister living together story was ruined when the tattoo poem came up. It completely took me out of the story 1) because it's an absurd, ridiculous tattoo and 2) it removed quite a bit of the taboo nature of the dynamic. There was literally no tension in the story, no build-up, no forbidden aspects of the story. Sure, there was the phone call from mom, but this has been done countless times in other stories. The tattoo casually had "yep I like anal so you fucking me up the ass is just swell," and without any build-up or development, this didn't really need to be written as an incest story. Then again, I wouldn't have been surprised if she had a sonnet on her ribcage describing the joys of incest.
One interesting angle was the "sex (or more accurately: porn) as art" aspect of the story. Porn is a performance, and describing choreographed sexual acts as "art" is a perspective not a lot of people probably agree with, let alone think about. And in truth, many if not most stories on this site are written with porn in mind. Scenes are described very visually, and in both porn and erotica, people are described as having sex in very showy ways that are very picturesque.
That said, I don't think your story depicted the sex particularly vividly. There were references to porn DVDs being a form of art, and the time you specifically devoted to describing the tattoo again points to porn/sex acts as art...but with paper thin characters and a weak, overdone story, the "porn as art" idea falls completely short, and isn't really backed up with strong writing or well-executed ideas. This is a story about two siblings fucking, there's no development or plot, and we're being told by the author that one character has a poem about anal sex colorfully tattooed on her back. I highly doubt anyone seeing or reading such a tattoo (hell, even the artist inking said tattoo) would think, "gosh...that's just so beautiful."
Note: I'm not suggesting that sexual acts aren't beautiful (or that anal sex can't be emotionally intimate or sexy), but the way your story is written, things feel very forced and hamfisted -- neither of which are either artistic or beautiful.
Again, the tattoo thing is preference, but there's a difference between cosmetic/idiosyncratic (some tattoos are quite sexy) and absurd overkill. A girl with a poem about the mystical wonders of anal sex inked into her back is bizarre, distracting, over the top, and I'm guessing unintentionally humorous.
I really like this story.It gets straight to the point and isn't too long. The only tip I would give you is to proof read your story before posting it. I saw a few mistakes.
Looking forward for more stories from you.
English
The Tattoo
This is obviously influenced by a bias I have against tattoos, but even I enjoy the occasional ink here or there. What could've turned into an enjoyable brother and sister living together story was ruined when the tattoo poem came up. It completely took me out of the story 1) because it's an absurd, ridiculous tattoo and 2) it removed quite a bit of the taboo nature of the dynamic. There was literally no tension in the story, no build-up, no forbidden aspects of the story. Sure, there was the phone call from mom, but this has been done countless times in other stories. The tattoo casually had "yep I like anal so you fucking me up the ass is just swell," and without any build-up or development, this didn't really need to be written as an incest story. Then again, I wouldn't have been surprised if she had a sonnet on her ribcage describing the joys of incest.
One interesting angle was the "sex (or more accurately: porn) as art" aspect of the story. Porn is a performance, and describing choreographed sexual acts as "art" is a perspective not a lot of people probably agree with, let alone think about. And in truth, many if not most stories on this site are written with porn in mind. Scenes are described very visually, and in both porn and erotica, people are described as having sex in very showy ways that are very picturesque.
That said, I don't think your story depicted the sex particularly vividly. There were references to porn DVDs being a form of art, and the time you specifically devoted to describing the tattoo again points to porn/sex acts as art...but with paper thin characters and a weak, overdone story, the "porn as art" idea falls completely short, and isn't really backed up with strong writing or well-executed ideas. This is a story about two siblings fucking, there's no development or plot, and we're being told by the author that one character has a poem about anal sex colorfully tattooed on her back. I highly doubt anyone seeing or reading such a tattoo (hell, even the artist inking said tattoo) would think, "gosh...that's just so beautiful."
Note: I'm not suggesting that sexual acts aren't beautiful (or that anal sex can't be emotionally intimate or sexy), but the way your story is written, things feel very forced and hamfisted -- neither of which are either artistic or beautiful.
Again, the tattoo thing is preference, but there's a difference between cosmetic/idiosyncratic (some tattoos are quite sexy) and absurd overkill. A girl with a poem about the mystical wonders of anal sex inked into her back is bizarre, distracting, over the top, and I'm guessing unintentionally humorous.
What?
Made the sex just something to do to pass the time. Maybe Canasta next time, huh?
Good but
needs a back story how/when/why they started fucking etc
I really like this story.It gets straight to the point and isn't too long. The only tip I would give you is to proof read your story before posting it. I saw a few mistakes.
Looking forward for more stories from you.
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