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Pretty good
Not bad for a first time effort. A little bland overall, but error-free and soundly written.
Not quite error free
When the speaker changes, start a new paragraph. Waste means to discard or refuse. A person's mid-section is their waist. And was Cassandra the prior version for Miranda? Otherwise, who is she?
Masterbation - a sniglet, meaning the process of being submissive and heaping praise and affection on one's master? A new vocab word for the BDSM crowd? I can see that.
Masturbation - an act of self-love; playing with one's self because one is horny and it feels good.
What attracted Robin to Claire other than she was alone and lonely? Potential to explore the underlying character motivations here. Simple Cinderella story? Or does Robin do this once a year, and replace his creations? There are plenty of women who are attracted to wealth and power - and that is actually a legitimate (emotionally shallow but practical when looking for someone to father children with).
The story as it is works. But there is the potential to make it something surprising, too.
Would have loved for this to go on longer.
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