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Magic for Dinner

bylovessaltedcaramel©
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by Anonymous

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by TJSkywind01/14/15

Hmm

Non-consent actions by anyone are always fraught with danger - both ethically and with reactions, from readers as well as characters. You did a good job of showing Delia's initial confusion of such underhanded betrayal, and it was a profound betrayal of trust. The honest approach for Erica would have been to ask Delia if she was interested in making the change. That she didn't means Erica has a serious issue. Her excuse that she didn't think it through? Possible, which might explain why she is divorced, being all body and no brains. But if she did think it through, it means she's terribly selfish, willing to do horrible things to others to get her way. Either way, this makes for an unsympathetic even unsavory character.

Your story is intriguing for the start, but it's too short. Who are Erica and Delia, and why should we care about them? What is it that makes Erica stoop this act? Switching genders is not an easy task, even for those who want it - there is a huge amount of socialization that goes along with it, and there are often legal entanglements as well. Will Delia have access to her money? Will there be challenges to her identity? Will it cost her her job? How will her family react? If there is magic in the world, did Erica break the law by the use of the spell? Delia seems willing to forgive being turned into Erica's sex toy, but why is Erica so desperate? Is magic commonplace in their world? Others might not be so forgiving of being drugged and essentially date-raped.

Many questions to answer. Do you intend to follow up? Or even re-post? Otherwise, your tale is apt to be poorly rated, and the reasons I listed above are not all that others might come up with. You seem to have a good grasp of writing, but this small snippet is not enough to leave the reader satisfied. I'm going to hold off voting on the chance you will revise or post a follow up.

In any event, don't give up writing. It takes work and effort to put words onto paper, and practice to get them into decent form. Then there is the story crafting itself, which is different than writing a news story or a how-to article. Most never get far enough to even post, risking censure and the occasional attack by wandering trolls.

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Thanks for the comment...

I didn't think of Delia being "date raped" as I was writing this; rather her dream was a personification of Erica's magic transforming her.

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