Could've used a little more character developement and in desperate need of an editor, but i still loved the idea behind the story!
by
Anonymous02/07/15
Less is more!
This is just a great little story. Without any unnecessary descriptions and irrelevant tangents (though it has a few grammatical errors).
by
Anonymous02/07/15
Short and sweet.....
Minimalist is GREAT....after all, that's the way "accidents" happen...right? Excellent removal of clothing, by being nudists, and positioning in the back seat of the Camry.... after that it was just letting nature and the bumpy road take care of the logistics!! Keep writing!!
Why was this unnamed guy so late in noticing Jane's developing changes? Especially when they were nude together? Most guys would certainly notice by the time she turned 13 or 14, anyhow. He must have been rather backward, that way. 'Next day at the camp, by the way, she is likely to be dripping a lot, thinking about the ride home, and the 'rents will wonder why he sprouts a boner most of the time. LOL! Actually, I enjoyed the idea here. 'Got me going, thinking about that ride!
by
Anonymous02/08/15
Short, sweet, and very hot!!
Wow! I wish I was in that car! That story certainly had me going! Very hot and sounds authentic too. I hope Jane and her unnamed brother kept going on those bike rides..
by
Anonymous02/08/15
size
You forgot to say yout covk was 10 inches long
by
Anonymous02/08/15
this boy is like lots and lots of big brothers
They usually try to hide it even from themselves. But a big brother very often has a very special feeling about his baby sister. Especially about that cute little coochie she's got between her legs. And a kid sister has a very special feeling about her hunky big brother and what he's got jumping around in his pants. It's the most natural thing there is. They're young, chockfull of hormones, each one excited by what the other has that's different "down there." Just like in this excellent story. It's a family that practices nudism, so the girl's gotten some good looks at what her brother's got swinging between his legs, his meaty penis and his heavy loaded balls. And the boy's feasted his eyes on his sis's pretty pink vagina, the prettiest thing he's ever seen. They've figured out what goes where, and how much great dirty fun it is. Big brother's harder than he's ever been before, and baby sister's sweet little slit's running like a river. He slides his big hard cock up her warm wet twat, and the kids go to town. When he blows his brotherly balls up inside his sis, the guy in the story says "it was definitely the biggest load I'd ever gotten off." Jane's going to be enjoying lots more of her big brother's loads of semen from now on. After all, that's where the kid's semen belongs--up his baby sister's baby cunt.
by
Anonymous02/09/15
good story
do not let some of the other comments bother you those who can not write like to make fun of those that can i thought it was a nice story it could use some work but all writers have to start some where and this seemed like a good place maybe you can write another part going into more detail about them and maybe what they plan for the future just a though as for getting into sizes that is over rated most story's i see try to make out like the guy is hung 7-12 inches which is not the average guy and to me makes the story not as realistic i am average myself as is most so i prefer story's that are more for the average guy 4-6 inches or so or not talk at all about the size after all you are telling a story about ether love or just sex or some times passion if not all three and you can do them all without talking about the size if you want to just my opinion i have read a ton and written a few and in over half i do not say the guys size just how the people in the story feel about each other and then let the story unfold well i hope you keep writing i normally would take the time to ad the periods and other marks as needed but in truth i have not slept in going on 30 hours so i am not really caring about all that just wanted to write a quick post after seeing so many poor comments from those who can not even write themselves.
I seen this was your first one on here i think you did very well and if i may say so it was very believable i hope you keep writing and add another part or two to this story.
by
Anonymous02/09/15
It's good
The story is good, I can picture it as I read. Don't forget to read over your final draft for typos.
It would be nice to continue this story about the parents caught them in the act of intercourse in the beach and was just casual about to be careful that no one sees them. Then eventually the whole family ended up into incest.
Fun read, a few typos, but some nice hot incest going! I'll be watching to see if you submit any more chapters on it!
by
Anonymous02/09/15
Good Story
I enjoyed your story! It was well written and descriptive and I'm looking forward to reading part two! Also I think that the parents should get involved! ;)
English
more please!
Could've used a little more character developement and in desperate need of an editor, but i still loved the idea behind the story!
Less is more!
This is just a great little story. Without any unnecessary descriptions and irrelevant tangents (though it has a few grammatical errors).
Short and sweet.....
Minimalist is GREAT....after all, that's the way "accidents" happen...right? Excellent removal of clothing, by being nudists, and positioning in the back seat of the Camry.... after that it was just letting nature and the bumpy road take care of the logistics!! Keep writing!!
Not bad
for a quicky
Why was this unnamed guy so late in noticing Jane's developing changes? Especially when they were nude together? Most guys would certainly notice by the time she turned 13 or 14, anyhow. He must have been rather backward, that way. 'Next day at the camp, by the way, she is likely to be dripping a lot, thinking about the ride home, and the 'rents will wonder why he sprouts a boner most of the time. LOL! Actually, I enjoyed the idea here. 'Got me going, thinking about that ride!
Short, sweet, and very hot!!
Wow! I wish I was in that car! That story certainly had me going! Very hot and sounds authentic too. I hope Jane and her unnamed brother kept going on those bike rides..
size
You forgot to say yout covk was 10 inches long
this boy is like lots and lots of big brothers
They usually try to hide it even from themselves. But a big brother very often has a very special feeling about his baby sister. Especially about that cute little coochie she's got between her legs. And a kid sister has a very special feeling about her hunky big brother and what he's got jumping around in his pants. It's the most natural thing there is. They're young, chockfull of hormones, each one excited by what the other has that's different "down there." Just like in this excellent story. It's a family that practices nudism, so the girl's gotten some good looks at what her brother's got swinging between his legs, his meaty penis and his heavy loaded balls. And the boy's feasted his eyes on his sis's pretty pink vagina, the prettiest thing he's ever seen. They've figured out what goes where, and how much great dirty fun it is. Big brother's harder than he's ever been before, and baby sister's sweet little slit's running like a river. He slides his big hard cock up her warm wet twat, and the kids go to town. When he blows his brotherly balls up inside his sis, the guy in the story says "it was definitely the biggest load I'd ever gotten off." Jane's going to be enjoying lots more of her big brother's loads of semen from now on. After all, that's where the kid's semen belongs--up his baby sister's baby cunt.
good story
do not let some of the other comments bother you those who can not write like to make fun of those that can i thought it was a nice story it could use some work but all writers have to start some where and this seemed like a good place maybe you can write another part going into more detail about them and maybe what they plan for the future just a though as for getting into sizes that is over rated most story's i see try to make out like the guy is hung 7-12 inches which is not the average guy and to me makes the story not as realistic i am average myself as is most so i prefer story's that are more for the average guy 4-6 inches or so or not talk at all about the size after all you are telling a story about ether love or just sex or some times passion if not all three and you can do them all without talking about the size if you want to just my opinion i have read a ton and written a few and in over half i do not say the guys size just how the people in the story feel about each other and then let the story unfold well i hope you keep writing i normally would take the time to ad the periods and other marks as needed but in truth i have not slept in going on 30 hours so i am not really caring about all that just wanted to write a quick post after seeing so many poor comments from those who can not even write themselves.
great story
I seen this was your first one on here i think you did very well and if i may say so it was very believable i hope you keep writing and add another part or two to this story.
It's good
The story is good, I can picture it as I read. Don't forget to read over your final draft for typos.
Nice exciting story
It would be nice to continue this story about the parents caught them in the act of intercourse in the beach and was just casual about to be careful that no one sees them. Then eventually the whole family ended up into incest.
Great first story
I like the plot. I am looking forward for any new chapters or other stories that you write.
Fun story
Fun read, a few typos, but some nice hot incest going! I'll be watching to see if you submit any more chapters on it!
Good Story
I enjoyed your story! It was well written and descriptive and I'm looking forward to reading part two! Also I think that the parents should get involved! ;)
Love it
This surely is just the beginning!
wow
really nice story!
Wow!
Hot! Hot! Hot! Incredibly sexy!
Almost...
Make it my girlfriend and i could read this every time for the rest of my life!!!
An enjoyable read - looking forward to a sequel...
Very nice story hoping for a sequel
needs editing
editing would make this a better read as would a second or third chapter.
Wrong tag marker
Only thing to say, it's no accidental sex since she put him in her. . .
Amazing
Amazing
Great story
I really enjoyed your story. I would love to read anything else you write.
Good story needs more
I liked the story a lot but I kinda wish there were more to it like in a series
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