A Revenge Fuck

Nice

Good revenge against the stupid asshole boss. He got what he deserved.

Tense

For God's sake, pick a tense.
Aside from being a predictable rehash, jumping back and forth being tenses was just sloppy and lazy.

virtually unreadable

really needs editing

hunter became hunted

Great idea. Short and sweet. They led him on taking his weaknesses to do him in. Great idea.

Good story...

This is a good story and says what a marriage must be: "They knew each other, they trusted each other. They loved each other unconditionally."

SOME HUSBANDS AND WIFES

have integrity, loyalty and trust. TK U MLJ LV NV

Salty

This story needs some spice. Use a bigger dash of salt!

Stasiu

what ?

unreadable....what were the other reviewers thinking...

Pretty weak story and plot

It was rushed shiort and the story did not work for me.

OK

Good idea, spoiled by bad grammar and needless political comments

Narration done VERY poorly.

The premise is so silly it is painful. The execution is even more painful.

Basically, the message seems to be 'Guys with small dicks try to compensate by cheating and stealing. They can be twarted by honest, bright guys whose wives don't mind being inappropriate for no necessary reason.'

Juvenile

Your story and your political sniveling are both juvenile. There are criminals and good citizens amongst both liberals and conservatives. There are certainly " talking heads " at each end of the political spectrum. Adding your ignorance of this fact just makes you an immature talking head , panty boy.

the concept is there

just poorly executed.

Good story

To all those complaining of spelling or grammar fuck off... the characters and plot are what matter.

@hoppydoodle
You're wrong. There are no good liberals. Their are naive, ignorant liberals and there are deliberately evil liberals, but there are no good liberals.

I have a bone to pick with you. I found one spelling error. Im just kidding. For people speaking of spelling errors. As far as I am concerned, they can all go straight to .....This is the best story that I have ever read on hear. I am on hear to read a good story. These spelling error freaks are so ugly, that the only way to forget about their ugly wives is to complain about everything. It is so hard to believe that there is so many grammar experts on this site that have never earned a fucking nickel writing any book. These spelling freaks all must be on welfare to have the time to harass everyone, including me. What a pathetic pieces of shit that we have to live in. These spelling error freaks must want money to do your story for you.

Notice dmhack can complain of your story, but for 5 years he has been a member on this site and has never written one story. I wonder if I can research and see what all his comments in 5 years have been about. I or anyone else please keep everyone on this site updated.

Well, I liked the idea.....

....just not the delivery.
Take some classes. Learn to write well. Learn to develop characters as people.
Learn to spell, learn to express yourself like an adult comfortable with the English language. Then learn to proofread or get a peer to assist you with editing......
Then write something else for this forum and submit it.
If the idea is as good as this one, you might survive the onslaught of attacks from your detractors long enough to bask in the praise of your fans.....scant as it may be. This is not a very friendly place for the tender-hearted or for thin-skinned writers. Go home to mamma's for that.
In the meantime, please keep your day job. The welfare roles are already too full.

Your heart is in the right place. But your head . . .

not so much. Take the basic plot structure and just add some interesting characters, an intriguing story with more history and structure, and make the actions and motives dramatic and believable. Try some more.