Coulda been better, but could have been a lot worse. The characters got the minimalist treatment, but this was not exactly a character driven story.The happily eber after ending came out of left field but made a twisted case for cred.
Describing just how the narrator reclaimed her cheating ass was a bit of a missed opportunity. Him just walking away and letting third party go to town on wife doesnt auger well for him being the new alpha stud.
by
Anonymous01/16/15
synopsis:
after the one sterotype marries the second stereotype, she desires the third stereotype. First stereotype suddenly changes into fourth stereotype, and since it is somehow unexplicably acceptable, the marriage turns into a fifth stereotype.
Problem is unbelievable. Fantasy replaces any attempt at reality. Nary a consequence in sight. Nobody learns a lesson, and the readers go...
Yawn....who cares??
Was going to give 1 star for his cucky walking away from the cheaters, upped it when he used it to get better sex.
Also marked down for no explanation for how she began hot sex with the black guy.
I'll buy her new-found sexuality based on her having the urges but being repressed by her mother, but why couldn't they be released by her husband? I'm sure he tried, at least for a while, and she kept refusing him. So, how did she even get to the point of a black guy even being in a position to ask/demand, let alone her saying yes?
Finally, grammar!
I told her "I had, but when I saw her getting fucked by that Black guy, I had left."
Things in quotes are supposed to reflect what was said, so he told her: "I had, but when I saw YOU getting fucked by that Black guy, I had left."
Obviously, you would have preferred to get this result via a different route, but I like that you leveraged what could have been a tragedy and made it instead the lynch pin that turned your marriage around. The lemonade from lemons thing.
I liked the maturity and manliness you showed, and look at how well it paid off for you!
What amuses me about the porn-reading troglodytes around here is how they are the prissiest, uptight church spinsters who will shun the fallen for so little a transgression as wearing white after labor day, but they are here everyday whacking off to erotic stories. I hope their wives/girlfriends (or, more likely, mothers) catch them and throw them out of the house for being weak, dirty and disgusting.
I agree that it's unpleasant (but not everyone has to) to read about weaklings who are 'forced to accept' and humiliated by, a cheating wife's affairs when the wife obviously disrespects and doesn't even love the husband, but this story is not about that. Sometimes, people fuck up, and most of the times, it seems, 'good' girls mothers really fuck up their daughters' minds, and here was a positive story about using a bad incident to fix the damage and get a good long-term marriage in exchange.
Like @KarenE...I think this isn't a good story...his reaction was low and showed he didn't love her or respect her (as she didn't love or respect him)!!! For him to say:"Now years later she fucks me when I tell her, where I tell her, and lately, who I tell her...", shows what I said...And she wasn't a prude...she was a hidden whore...
by
Anonymous01/16/15
Logic
How could he have stood there watching for such a long time without either of the lovers realizing he was there? He made no noise breathing, moving? Tooting?
If this a true story., you sure as hell weren't much of a soldier. Having been in the army for 7 years, I know of no one in any of my outfits who would have stood there and gotten wood,. If nothing the realization that she was pulling this shit while he was deployed would have really pissed a soldier off!
Today's crop of stories seem promising....@avidfa... I agree
with your comments about the trogdolytes. But don't broadly make accusations, because I am a church goer yet I read on this group. You say that "I hope their wives/girlfriends (or, more likely, mothers) catch them and throw them out..." but probably, their wives/girlfriends and mothers are doing the same thing behind their backs!
I agree with KarenE. You really must have an editor correct grammar and word usage mistakes. I usually count against such stories. But because of the plot, I liked it. I just wish you had developed it more, and told how you investigated to find what led her to let her slut out.
Keep writing, but please take the positive criticism to heart.
by
Anonymous01/16/15
True?
If this were true after coming home to find your wife fucking someone else and doing so much more with him that she would never do with you , no way would you just walk out without some sort of confrontation. No man or woman could just take that without going nuts at first sight
by
Anonymous01/16/15
Dump the "True Story" garbage
No one believes you and it doesn't work as a hook for the poor storyline. And even for fiction you think ANY military husband would come home and welcome the fact that his wife is cheating on him? This was simply badly written drivel. Cardboard characters, terrible dialogue and just an awful ending. UGH! No stars.
Would have loved to crawl over to then and start doing CLEANUP well ther still going at it. YUM YUM and being a BBC is the best
by
Anonymous01/16/15
*
Heh! Real military guys have guns. They would have shot both of those motherfuckers. Fake story.
by
Anonymous01/16/15
1*
Readers do not read cuck story but click in it to give 1*!
The survays show the majority of men who wants more than a sex and entertaiment mate wife but those men who want family with wife and children those man prefer not slut..............It is very interesting survays show women prefer not slut woman to have friends. Once more to like sex does not mean to be slut but to be the first to other things as husband children and kids means slut.
Since it's your first time, I'm giving you a very generous 3* and hopefully some useful advice. (You already have received a good bit of that, so I suggest you give some thought to all that is meant to be constructive and don't forget that the snide remarks can contain useful info also.) Some of the following might be a recap of other comments.
#1 Always try to make your characters act like someone you know, might act in real life. Do you know any man who would walk away from his wife, after having caught her in the act?
#2 Read every article on grammar and writing you find in Lit.'s writer's resources sect.
#3 Develop your characters at least a little--like you tried with the bit about how wife had changed before he left. You just didn't go nearly far enough. Why does a heretofore "good girl" go to hell in a hand basket so quickly? Do you know anyone who made such a drastic change in life? If so, didn't they have a reason? EX. A man is a pack a day smoker--he sees his father, who he loves very much, dying of lung cancer. That could be the "why" a heavy smoker quits cold turkey, but even then a great self struggle would be involved. Our job is to show the reader that "why"--and it ain't easy.
#4 Dialogue. That's the words between the little (") marks. Make them sound like something a person would say. Say them aloud, do they sound right to you? If not, change them until they do.
#5 Proofread your work until you think the words will fall off the page. When you finally think you have it right, print a copy and read it. In my last story, when I was sure I was ready to submit, I followed my own advice and found six or seven more problems. After my next chapter of Handyman Hank is posted, I'm betting readers will find a lot more.
Anyway, you do have talent, so don't get discouraged, just keep writing. Good Luck!
It starts out in a fairly standard manner and even when he dominated her I was feeling like I ate a spoiled sandwich. BUT the last few lines got me laughing.
by
Anonymous01/16/15
crappy story
I would have sent her home to her parents!
by
Anonymous01/16/15
So he tamed her to be his slut
If I walked into that room there would be a beat up guy and a wife packing her bags. He took sex once a month from a frigid bitch turned whore. Dump her ass. This was a poor exuce for a story.
Gee, if you don't like it, don't read it.
Those who said I wasn't in the Army, 20 years and retired. I was a 11B (Infantry), 9 years in an Airborne unit. Multiple tours to the Middle East and Africa, including Iraq.
To the one who said that I wasn't in the Army because he was in the Army for 7 years and didn't know anyone like that..... Do you think people advertise you idiot? Ever lived in Military Housing and actually see what goes on there? Why only 7 years? Bar to re-enlistment? Does your DD314 in the comments section say "LOSER"?
And finally to the idiot who claimed that I was a fake because soldiers have guns and a soldier would have killed both of them..... To begin with, the military does not allow you to take firearms home with you. They are secured in the Arms room. In Germany it was a pain to own privately owned firearms and keep them in Government quarters, but most importantly, It would be MURDER you moron. Owning a firearm does not mean that you are a murderer or that you want to spend the rest of your life in prison.
Finally, Although it is part of love, I do not believe that sex is love. Sex can be strictly recreational, and what got me going was seeing a normally prudish wife losing her inhibitions and going wild during sex. It would have gotten me going if it was a White guy, another women, or a sex toy. It wasn't. It was a Black guy. Also it would be hypocritical of me to go all chest thumping I am going to kill because you have been unfaithful when I myself have not been so all of time. Do not try to push your hangups and religious beliefs on me, after all, you are reading these stories.
Hey Rick in Illinois, fuck these losers reading these stories and then telling everyone how much they hate them and what a loser the writer is. They are not fooling anyone. Everyone that responds this way has had his woman fucked and couldn't handle it, so they try to exert some sense of machismo by saying what they "would have done" and why this or that person is a loser. I have personally fucked many women who had men like this, especially the kind that cheat and don't think their women knew about it.
English
Stupid
You know, you expect one thing and find something else.
Damn
no rating
Unexpected twist !
Coulda been better, but could have been a lot worse. The characters got the minimalist treatment, but this was not exactly a character driven story.The happily eber after ending came out of left field but made a twisted case for cred.
Describing just how the narrator reclaimed her cheating ass was a bit of a missed opportunity. Him just walking away and letting third party go to town on wife doesnt auger well for him being the new alpha stud.
synopsis:
after the one sterotype marries the second stereotype, she desires the third stereotype. First stereotype suddenly changes into fourth stereotype, and since it is somehow unexplicably acceptable, the marriage turns into a fifth stereotype.
Problem is unbelievable. Fantasy replaces any attempt at reality. Nary a consequence in sight. Nobody learns a lesson, and the readers go...
Yawn....who cares??
A Generous 2 Star
Was going to give 1 star for his cucky walking away from the cheaters, upped it when he used it to get better sex.
Also marked down for no explanation for how she began hot sex with the black guy.
I'll buy her new-found sexuality based on her having the urges but being repressed by her mother, but why couldn't they be released by her husband? I'm sure he tried, at least for a while, and she kept refusing him. So, how did she even get to the point of a black guy even being in a position to ask/demand, let alone her saying yes?
Finally, grammar!
I told her "I had, but when I saw her getting fucked by that Black guy, I had left."
Things in quotes are supposed to reflect what was said, so he told her: "I had, but when I saw YOU getting fucked by that Black guy, I had left."
Ignore the troglodytes
I thought that this was a great, real life story.
Obviously, you would have preferred to get this result via a different route, but I like that you leveraged what could have been a tragedy and made it instead the lynch pin that turned your marriage around. The lemonade from lemons thing.
I liked the maturity and manliness you showed, and look at how well it paid off for you!
What amuses me about the porn-reading troglodytes around here is how they are the prissiest, uptight church spinsters who will shun the fallen for so little a transgression as wearing white after labor day, but they are here everyday whacking off to erotic stories. I hope their wives/girlfriends (or, more likely, mothers) catch them and throw them out of the house for being weak, dirty and disgusting.
I agree that it's unpleasant (but not everyone has to) to read about weaklings who are 'forced to accept' and humiliated by, a cheating wife's affairs when the wife obviously disrespects and doesn't even love the husband, but this story is not about that. Sometimes, people fuck up, and most of the times, it seems, 'good' girls mothers really fuck up their daughters' minds, and here was a positive story about using a bad incident to fix the damage and get a good long-term marriage in exchange.
Grow the fuck up, people!
gave it a 5!!!
excellent story
Not Enough
Much too short and story was not really developed. Too many missing details.
Writing ability was good.
Thanks
Like @KarenE...I think...
Like @KarenE...I think this isn't a good story...his reaction was low and showed he didn't love her or respect her (as she didn't love or respect him)!!! For him to say:"Now years later she fucks me when I tell her, where I tell her, and lately, who I tell her...", shows what I said...And she wasn't a prude...she was a hidden whore...
Logic
How could he have stood there watching for such a long time without either of the lovers realizing he was there? He made no noise breathing, moving? Tooting?
A true story?
If this a true story., you sure as hell weren't much of a soldier. Having been in the army for 7 years, I know of no one in any of my outfits who would have stood there and gotten wood,. If nothing the realization that she was pulling this shit while he was deployed would have really pissed a soldier off!
You get a 2.
Today's crop of stories seem promising....@avidfa... I agree
with your comments about the trogdolytes. But don't broadly make accusations, because I am a church goer yet I read on this group. You say that "I hope their wives/girlfriends (or, more likely, mothers) catch them and throw them out..." but probably, their wives/girlfriends and mothers are doing the same thing behind their backs!
I agree with KarenE. You really must have an editor correct grammar and word usage mistakes. I usually count against such stories. But because of the plot, I liked it. I just wish you had developed it more, and told how you investigated to find what led her to let her slut out.
Keep writing, but please take the positive criticism to heart.
True?
If this were true after coming home to find your wife fucking someone else and doing so much more with him that she would never do with you , no way would you just walk out without some sort of confrontation. No man or woman could just take that without going nuts at first sight
Dump the "True Story" garbage
No one believes you and it doesn't work as a hook for the poor storyline. And even for fiction you think ANY military husband would come home and welcome the fact that his wife is cheating on him? This was simply badly written drivel. Cardboard characters, terrible dialogue and just an awful ending. UGH! No stars.
IT IS NOT BEING A CUCK---IF---
he knows or he pimps. TK U MLJ LV NV
GREAT WAY TO-BECOME CUCKOLD
Would have loved to crawl over to then and start doing CLEANUP well ther still going at it. YUM YUM and being a BBC is the best
*
Heh! Real military guys have guns. They would have shot both of those motherfuckers. Fake story.
1*
Readers do not read cuck story but click in it to give 1*!
The survays show the majority of men who wants more than a sex and entertaiment mate wife but those men who want family with wife and children those man prefer not slut..............It is very interesting survays show women prefer not slut woman to have friends. Once more to like sex does not mean to be slut but to be the first to other things as husband children and kids means slut.
***
Since it's your first time, I'm giving you a very generous 3* and hopefully some useful advice. (You already have received a good bit of that, so I suggest you give some thought to all that is meant to be constructive and don't forget that the snide remarks can contain useful info also.) Some of the following might be a recap of other comments.
#1 Always try to make your characters act like someone you know, might act in real life. Do you know any man who would walk away from his wife, after having caught her in the act?
#2 Read every article on grammar and writing you find in Lit.'s writer's resources sect.
#3 Develop your characters at least a little--like you tried with the bit about how wife had changed before he left. You just didn't go nearly far enough. Why does a heretofore "good girl" go to hell in a hand basket so quickly? Do you know anyone who made such a drastic change in life? If so, didn't they have a reason? EX. A man is a pack a day smoker--he sees his father, who he loves very much, dying of lung cancer. That could be the "why" a heavy smoker quits cold turkey, but even then a great self struggle would be involved. Our job is to show the reader that "why"--and it ain't easy.
#4 Dialogue. That's the words between the little (") marks. Make them sound like something a person would say. Say them aloud, do they sound right to you? If not, change them until they do.
#5 Proofread your work until you think the words will fall off the page. When you finally think you have it right, print a copy and read it. In my last story, when I was sure I was ready to submit, I followed my own advice and found six or seven more problems. After my next chapter of Handyman Hank is posted, I'm betting readers will find a lot more.
Anyway, you do have talent, so don't get discouraged, just keep writing. Good Luck!
Every cliche in the book...
and not much of a story!
Damn another wimpy cuck story......
It starts out in a fairly standard manner and even when he dominated her I was feeling like I ate a spoiled sandwich. BUT the last few lines got me laughing.
crappy story
I would have sent her home to her parents!
So he tamed her to be his slut
If I walked into that room there would be a beat up guy and a wife packing her bags. He took sex once a month from a frigid bitch turned whore. Dump her ass. This was a poor exuce for a story.
Wisconsin
Packers 2, Bears 0. QED.
What a bunch of morons.
Gee, if you don't like it, don't read it.
Those who said I wasn't in the Army, 20 years and retired. I was a 11B (Infantry), 9 years in an Airborne unit. Multiple tours to the Middle East and Africa, including Iraq.
To the one who said that I wasn't in the Army because he was in the Army for 7 years and didn't know anyone like that..... Do you think people advertise you idiot? Ever lived in Military Housing and actually see what goes on there? Why only 7 years? Bar to re-enlistment? Does your DD314 in the comments section say "LOSER"?
And finally to the idiot who claimed that I was a fake because soldiers have guns and a soldier would have killed both of them..... To begin with, the military does not allow you to take firearms home with you. They are secured in the Arms room. In Germany it was a pain to own privately owned firearms and keep them in Government quarters, but most importantly, It would be MURDER you moron. Owning a firearm does not mean that you are a murderer or that you want to spend the rest of your life in prison.
Finally, Although it is part of love, I do not believe that sex is love. Sex can be strictly recreational, and what got me going was seeing a normally prudish wife losing her inhibitions and going wild during sex. It would have gotten me going if it was a White guy, another women, or a sex toy. It wasn't. It was a Black guy. Also it would be hypocritical of me to go all chest thumping I am going to kill because you have been unfaithful when I myself have not been so all of time. Do not try to push your hangups and religious beliefs on me, after all, you are reading these stories.
LOL
Loved the Packers - Bears comment
A good story.
Fast paced and tightly written.
I enjoyed the read, thanks.
Fuck The Loser Hypocrites
Hey Rick in Illinois, fuck these losers reading these stories and then telling everyone how much they hate them and what a loser the writer is. They are not fooling anyone. Everyone that responds this way has had his woman fucked and couldn't handle it, so they try to exert some sense of machismo by saying what they "would have done" and why this or that person is a loser. I have personally fucked many women who had men like this, especially the kind that cheat and don't think their women knew about it.
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