The Awakening Ch. 02

too short

You really need to make these entries a lot longer.

agreed...

too short - its like eating mashed potatoes with a pickle fork...

like it

Like the story not the length wouldn't mind waiting linger for more content

sorry folks!

This is the first story I have written,chapter3 is also a bit short but next chapters are longer.

DUDE!!!!
LONGER CHAPTERS
ONCE A WEEK IS FINE!!!
This Chapter has me hooked but way too short... Was expecting more building on from the first chapter

Please edit your work

You have a reasonable story line but your writing is marred by missing words and incorrect spelling (dammed instead of damned i.e. to do with river dams instead of cursed and peace instead of piece).Inaccuracies and inconsistencies stop your reader and break the flow of the narrative. It helps if someone else can read over your work and correct it before you submit.

pace per mile

A 15 minute mile is a brisk walk. A serious runner will throw down something less than six. Avoid the issue by saying "she can still run a mile like a member of the college track team." or something similar.

thank you

I use the automatic spell check on windows word for editing.It must have autocorrected damned into dammed.Thanks for the suggestions,I will try to follow them in the next chapters.

fyi the army pft 2mile run failing is 15min for 18-21 and is adjusted for age as it goes up so 15min mile is is like running backwards

Not Bad

Certainly not a bad start, but really the chapters need to be longer so we can get a bit on continuity as we read......