The Neighbor's Boy Ch. 03

i'd really like to see him on his knees with her Topping him

I Think Its A Good Story...

...And it shows a lot of thoughtful insights about how the characters are feeling, why they're thinking is following the course it is, in other words, basically good writing. But you're rushing it, and I'd love to talk with you more, as I enjoy helping with editing issues. But I can't send any email to the address you give, as I get a delivery error for lauratmd. You have mine, perhaps you can send your e-mail address to me at my address, I'd love to hear from you :) Cheers! --- Josie

take your time

please take your time at the end and don't rush it. you can always have more then one page.

Almost like the beginning vision was it

Still a lot of plot development but no action. Why not save the postings until you have a good, strong story with the wanted action we are looking for as seen in the first short preview (Ch 1) you posted. Not criticism but encouragement. Thanks

I agree with everyone else so far

This is definitely a good story, and I enjoy reading it. It's just a little to rushed, and the chapters could be a little longer. I would definitely recommend talking to Joscelyn, she has been helping me for quite some time now. She's a great friend and good at helping out with things like this.

the whole mclovin part pissed me off

But i'm loving your story so far