And then picks him up and carries him out to the car and puts him in the trunk? That was just one example of how badly written this was. Even for fiction it was so implausible that I had to laugh. Did you think this through? Did you proof read it? Did you have someone else read it? Cuz this was just awful.
by
Anonymous01/21/15
Good Finish for Your First Story
Good finish but it seemed a little too unrealistic towards the end here and some bits in chapter 3. It's fine, but it struck me in the first two chapters you wanted to have a "realistic" fantasy.
Nothing wrong otherwise, just giving hints to maybe help with consistency.
English
So she hogties and gags him?
And then picks him up and carries him out to the car and puts him in the trunk? That was just one example of how badly written this was. Even for fiction it was so implausible that I had to laugh. Did you think this through? Did you proof read it? Did you have someone else read it? Cuz this was just awful.
Good Finish for Your First Story
Good finish but it seemed a little too unrealistic towards the end here and some bits in chapter 3. It's fine, but it struck me in the first two chapters you wanted to have a "realistic" fantasy.
Nothing wrong otherwise, just giving hints to maybe help with consistency.
Look forward to more from you.
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