This should be called: "The nighclub pimp and his whore"...She must have been one of his whores in the nightclub ans now is his home whore...No love in here...just sex...Bad story...
by
Anonymous01/21/15
I apologize for being slow on the uptake....
But I wasn't sure.....
She's a writer, right? She's telling him stories, right?
Are they made up fiction of a erotica writer? Or is she REALLY a slut for other men? He SAYS ..."you know you can fuck whom you want, as long as I get extreme detail"
So we are supposed to think her fucking around IS OK, and 'real'. But is it really just part of their fantasy life? Did he say that as part of the act? I guess eating creampies is part of some people's acceptable kink. But the author's descriptions of that act, don't seem to agree that there ACTUALLY was spent cum up there. The idea of this guy going down on her sloppy used cunt would have been more vocalized in the chatter of this fantasy play. Of course, I remain confused, because later she says that Billy DID clean out his own creampie earlier, but the casual reference to the deliver guy returns my thinking that these are manufactured stories for the husbands erotic thrill, and they come from the source of her imagination. She is sharing her fictional writings with him in the most erotic way possible. Hmm.....
Just not sure. If this is what you were going for (i.e. the reader not to know fantasy from reality in this fiction) then I guess you achieved your goal. But the folks who think that her slutting around is shitty, and that he is stupidly risking disease by laving up her sloppy cunt, will crucify you and this story. Those who think that he presents as a masculine guy, who loves having a shameless slut for a wife, will think that you wrote a sexy little flash. But both factions will be dissapointed that you were unclear in presenting the goals of your ultimate message here.
This is always a risk when you abandon character development in favor of genital descriptions. We don't know anything about these people, and since you won't tell us, you expect us just to be happy to imagine them having sex. Well, if you only want to appeal to the voyuer-cuck crowd, then I guess limiting your audience is OK with you. If you want your stories to enjoy broader appeal, then at least relish the thought of creating more complex characters, instead of just cartoonish animated pornstar stereotypes.
Hmmm....
May be I understood this story better than I first thought!
by
Anonymous01/22/15
There's an interesting tale. You really have to spell it all out in plain language for some readers. Many cannot fill in the gaps and take everything written as being the honest truth. They do not understand husband/wife games without being told, clearly, that is what they are.
1) I like it, it's like a having a quickie. Right to the sex, no slogging through backstory and chapter upon chapter to get to the sex. Good for that kind of mood. 2) I'm intrigued by the wife and her storytelling. Is it just story and it's the writer in her, or is she relating truth to her husband? 3) There are a few glaring details that contradict each other. The story needed a closer reading and more work, it seems like a rough draft. 4) Good for wacky sex fantasy, not good for identifying with the characters and the situations. Good for the wandering mind, plenty left to imagine to fill in the blanks, not good if you want to read a reality story.
by
Anonymous01/24/15
So why bother.....
.....with vows, if there is no intent to honor them?
Does anybody else get what low lifes they have to be to make promises, vows and covenants, without ever intending to keep them?
They're all Reavers and will die peeling their own flesh from their arms and faces.
And they have no love in their pitiable little lives, just the buzz of the latest thrill fuck.
After awhile, even that loses the ability to thrill.
English
Oh My
"Her pussy lips moved in sloppy conversation with him". Say no more.
Is twentyseven as stupid as this author?
Well, obviously, the answer is "YES"!
This should be called:...
This should be called: "The nighclub pimp and his whore"...She must have been one of his whores in the nightclub ans now is his home whore...No love in here...just sex...Bad story...
I apologize for being slow on the uptake....
But I wasn't sure.....
She's a writer, right? She's telling him stories, right?
Are they made up fiction of a erotica writer? Or is she REALLY a slut for other men? He SAYS ..."you know you can fuck whom you want, as long as I get extreme detail"
So we are supposed to think her fucking around IS OK, and 'real'. But is it really just part of their fantasy life? Did he say that as part of the act? I guess eating creampies is part of some people's acceptable kink. But the author's descriptions of that act, don't seem to agree that there ACTUALLY was spent cum up there. The idea of this guy going down on her sloppy used cunt would have been more vocalized in the chatter of this fantasy play. Of course, I remain confused, because later she says that Billy DID clean out his own creampie earlier, but the casual reference to the deliver guy returns my thinking that these are manufactured stories for the husbands erotic thrill, and they come from the source of her imagination. She is sharing her fictional writings with him in the most erotic way possible. Hmm.....
Just not sure. If this is what you were going for (i.e. the reader not to know fantasy from reality in this fiction) then I guess you achieved your goal. But the folks who think that her slutting around is shitty, and that he is stupidly risking disease by laving up her sloppy cunt, will crucify you and this story. Those who think that he presents as a masculine guy, who loves having a shameless slut for a wife, will think that you wrote a sexy little flash. But both factions will be dissapointed that you were unclear in presenting the goals of your ultimate message here.
This is always a risk when you abandon character development in favor of genital descriptions. We don't know anything about these people, and since you won't tell us, you expect us just to be happy to imagine them having sex. Well, if you only want to appeal to the voyuer-cuck crowd, then I guess limiting your audience is OK with you. If you want your stories to enjoy broader appeal, then at least relish the thought of creating more complex characters, instead of just cartoonish animated pornstar stereotypes.
Hmmm....
May be I understood this story better than I first thought!
There's an interesting tale. You really have to spell it all out in plain language for some readers. Many cannot fill in the gaps and take everything written as being the honest truth. They do not understand husband/wife games without being told, clearly, that is what they are.
Interesting
1) I like it, it's like a having a quickie. Right to the sex, no slogging through backstory and chapter upon chapter to get to the sex. Good for that kind of mood. 2) I'm intrigued by the wife and her storytelling. Is it just story and it's the writer in her, or is she relating truth to her husband? 3) There are a few glaring details that contradict each other. The story needed a closer reading and more work, it seems like a rough draft. 4) Good for wacky sex fantasy, not good for identifying with the characters and the situations. Good for the wandering mind, plenty left to imagine to fill in the blanks, not good if you want to read a reality story.
So why bother.....
.....with vows, if there is no intent to honor them?
Does anybody else get what low lifes they have to be to make promises, vows and covenants, without ever intending to keep them?
They're all Reavers and will die peeling their own flesh from their arms and faces.
And they have no love in their pitiable little lives, just the buzz of the latest thrill fuck.
After awhile, even that loses the ability to thrill.
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