My Power Ch. 01

Needs an editor

So badly.

I couldn't make it two paragraphs in...

Seriously, spellcheck and read this out lout to yourself at the VERY least!

yes but shows great potential

Intriguing storyline trumps the short length and the editing problems. Please keep writing this

give it a chance!

Sure, it needs to be spell checked. But the ideas, and the story have merit, and should be encouraged. I gave it a 5. Spelling can be corrected. Creativity is rarer.

You have great promise ...

Intriguing premise for your story ... however it contains many spelling and mechanical errors ... please use the services of an editor and, as suggested in another comment, read your story aloud to yourself before posting ... that way many errors will become obvious to you ... your story line begs for a number of sequels .... good read

Nice debut, keep going, but...

get an editor or at least, use a spell-checker.
I will look out for the next chapter

agree.. do keep writing. You have the beginings of something good....but you NEED an editor

Pleese haf sumwun eddit eny footure submitions!

The premise DOES show some promise but the lack of editing has ruined what might have been a good read, for me. Unfortunately so many people nowadays have no idea how to spell or what constitutes good grammar, and so much that I read here is absolutely appalling. Reading aloud what you have written DOES help, but so will another set of eyes, or two.

I also hope that future submissions will be longer, but I understand that this was just an introduction to a continuing story-line. And I DID like the names of the mysterious characters: Arthur and Morgan as from Camelot and the days of Merlin the Magician (or was that just a coincidence?). That might explain, somewhat, the origin of his powers.

Anyway, good luck with your future endeavors. I might even read another chapter or so just to see how it's going. One never knows...

Roger.

Needs some work.

I like your premise, but you should really proof read before submitting. Keep working on it you'll get better. Think about asking someone to be an editor for you.

Story?

My gosh, the efforts really distract.

Half the time, people can't come up with their own ideas

You have a good premise, the story has possibilities
It could be developed more, too short for it to be a real story yet, but an editor just takes care of details like spelling usually
Find one able to help you develop the story line, character development, shoot holes in your premise and the cohesion of the story and help you grow as well as spell-check
Few are capable, hope you're lucky enough to find someone that can do the job

Pretty ordinary really

Are you seeing a trend here with the comments re spelling and editing ?
Your descriptive prose could use some work also "and short blonde hair that hid a mysterious glare to her eyes." How can SHORT blond hair hide her eyes and it would be a mysterious look not a glare.

Anyway, standard stuff, he will have to fuck his mother and sisters to get the "power" to fight the bad guys. Nothing to see here, move along.

Proof READ

I think the story has a lot of promise - but you really need to either proof your own writing more carefully or get someone to help you. The obvious errors seriously distract the reader from the story. Good luck with your future efforts.

George

Gifted . .

. . Writing that needs a bit of work/ help. Thanks!

this story has a ton of potential i hope you keep writing on it i look forward to reading on the plot and where it goes