You seem to jump back and forth between his point of view and hers without any warning. It makes the story very confusing. I'm afraid this only deserves one star.
Rule #1: Spell check and grammar check. You wrote "brother-in-laws" instead of "brothers-in-law."
Rule #2: Get an editor. I posted eight stories before I realized that I needed help. The editor would have told you that you need clearer transitions between Mike's storytelling and Jenny's storytelling.
Rule #3: Revise your story after it has been edited, and only then post it. This will save you from the grief I and other readers are giving you. But most of all, keep writing.
English
I hope not only family
Hot story though.
Confusing
You seem to jump back and forth between his point of view and hers without any warning. It makes the story very confusing. I'm afraid this only deserves one star.
Not As Good As It Could Be
Rule #1: Spell check and grammar check. You wrote "brother-in-laws" instead of "brothers-in-law."
Rule #2: Get an editor. I posted eight stories before I realized that I needed help. The editor would have told you that you need clearer transitions between Mike's storytelling and Jenny's storytelling.
Rule #3: Revise your story after it has been edited, and only then post it. This will save you from the grief I and other readers are giving you. But most of all, keep writing.
There are more than one brother-in-laws
I used the plural since there was more than one, I have tried without success of getting an editor but will try again.
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