I like the story development so far but I think the story focuses on the couple too much. What's Laura's mother think of the relationship? What's Jennifer saying to Hal? If I were Hal I wouldn't be taking any shit from a daughter who dropped out of college so she could spend more time getting spit roasted by immature assholes. I'm also interested to see if they continue to ignore the age difference or talk about how to deal with it. You are one of several Canadian girls doing some great writing, way better than the legions of grammar challenged Americans. I did notice you used queue (i.e. in the queue at Starbucks ) when you meant cue. Minor thing I know. Eagerly awaiting the next installment.
English
Very nicely written
I like the story development so far but I think the story focuses on the couple too much. What's Laura's mother think of the relationship? What's Jennifer saying to Hal? If I were Hal I wouldn't be taking any shit from a daughter who dropped out of college so she could spend more time getting spit roasted by immature assholes. I'm also interested to see if they continue to ignore the age difference or talk about how to deal with it. You are one of several Canadian girls doing some great writing, way better than the legions of grammar challenged Americans. I did notice you used queue (i.e. in the queue at Starbucks ) when you meant cue. Minor thing I know. Eagerly awaiting the next installment.
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