JDC I enjoyed your Saffron and Sam series. It too got off to a rough start if I recall correctly. Please find an editor or try and edit it yourself. You tell a great story although that gets lost in the amount of grammatical errors that accompanied this work. Thank you none the less.
Glad to see you back. I'm not bothered so much by a few grammar errors or misspelled words so much as a consistent and well told story. Saffron and Sam started out OK, in the middle your story got really awful with terrible inconsistencies in Sam's words and deeds, then in your last couple chapters you pulled it together for an ending that was a little disappointing but got back in line with the character and tieds things up nicely. While I wish your next tale would have been about other characters in the story, specifically the Mad Pack and Saffron in her own solo story, I like what you have done. A short little intro is fine, and if anyone is familiar with Saffron and Sam, know that you will certainly write longer chapters. I like the little intro, I know the story will grow and improve as it goes on. As I said, Saffron and Sam went out on a good note, so I believe you will do nothing but improve in future writings. Good luck.
so dad was a pussy whipped cuckold and the son grows up and is a pussy too?what a fucking wasted life he will never have the balls to stand up for himself if he always crawled around his own family.
"Come on Robbie, get that thing out and it which are supposed to do. I need you inside me." - What?
"Jesus Kaylee, at least let me get out my pants." - Again; what?
"I was walking down the hall when I saw all a maintenance closet door close." - ???
"I mean not only did he have a premature ejaculation problem but to hear chastise him about it was really pretty sad. I felt that would be very hard to satisfy her and she was probably very high maintenance. I also knew I would never find out; I had as much chance with her as a Chinaman's chance in hell." - ???
Here you even managed to get the colloquialism wrong; it's actually "A snowball's chance in Hell', or did the racist version come easiest to you?
Your descriptive and narrative skills are woefully lacking, and I'm still waiting for the 'metamorphosis' to happen; does he go from being a pointless wimp to a complete non-entity and spend the rest of his life jerking off? Because that seems to be the way his life is heading. No stars, I read this then wished I hadn't.
English
problems
too short, lots of typos and grammar errors. Also, very choppy and confusing narrative. Needs work.
Editor please!
JDC I enjoyed your Saffron and Sam series. It too got off to a rough start if I recall correctly. Please find an editor or try and edit it yourself. You tell a great story although that gets lost in the amount of grammatical errors that accompanied this work. Thank you none the less.
Nice Start
Will be glad to Follow-up on the next Chapters
Welcome back
Glad to see you back. I'm not bothered so much by a few grammar errors or misspelled words so much as a consistent and well told story. Saffron and Sam started out OK, in the middle your story got really awful with terrible inconsistencies in Sam's words and deeds, then in your last couple chapters you pulled it together for an ending that was a little disappointing but got back in line with the character and tieds things up nicely. While I wish your next tale would have been about other characters in the story, specifically the Mad Pack and Saffron in her own solo story, I like what you have done. A short little intro is fine, and if anyone is familiar with Saffron and Sam, know that you will certainly write longer chapters. I like the little intro, I know the story will grow and improve as it goes on. As I said, Saffron and Sam went out on a good note, so I believe you will do nothing but improve in future writings. Good luck.
so dad was a pussy whipped cuckold and the son grows up and is a pussy too?what a fucking wasted life he will never have the balls to stand up for himself if he always crawled around his own family.
Get an editor
"Come on Robbie, get that thing out and it which are supposed to do. I need you inside me." - What?
"Jesus Kaylee, at least let me get out my pants." - Again; what?
"I was walking down the hall when I saw all a maintenance closet door close." - ???
"I mean not only did he have a premature ejaculation problem but to hear chastise him about it was really pretty sad. I felt that would be very hard to satisfy her and she was probably very high maintenance. I also knew I would never find out; I had as much chance with her as a Chinaman's chance in hell." - ???
Here you even managed to get the colloquialism wrong; it's actually "A snowball's chance in Hell', or did the racist version come easiest to you?
Your descriptive and narrative skills are woefully lacking, and I'm still waiting for the 'metamorphosis' to happen; does he go from being a pointless wimp to a complete non-entity and spend the rest of his life jerking off? Because that seems to be the way his life is heading. No stars, I read this then wished I hadn't.
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