All Comments on 'School and Mall Ch. 02'

I'm not sure what this one is besides not being clever or entertaining. Geez what happened to all the decent writers? I guess not everything or everyone can be good every time out.

You changed timelines too, and then almost insult the reader by saying we accused you of being too obscure?!? What is obscure about two months vs two YEARS?

That sir is not obscure. I still don't really know who or why Harold was needed. You are "obscure" there. My guess is "nice boy" Danny for whatever reason blackmailed Sherry to provide an alibi, by threatening to expose her cheating. Her cheating was rewarded by him delivering the negatives so she could keep her husband a clueless cuckold. It also reads that she would have continued cheating if she wasn't caught.

How does this mystery affair tie in??? Why is it needed at all? "Sears" was getting out of prison, nice boy using his karate beats the fucking shit out of him for a,woman who rejected him but obviously he still pines for beyond the love of his wife. He jeopardizes his marriage for a stupid crush on a stupid bitch.

Why are your men so fucking clueless? Like dumbass Carl??????? Your worst story ever. I've wasted enough time on this obscure drivel. So goodbye Harold whoever you are.

This could be an outline, or a summary, of a really dramatic and interesting story. I wonder why you didn't just write the whole story. I have a feeling that would have been a 5-star effort. As you know, this wasn't. But thank you for the effort.

Well, I think I actually prefer the first version. My only problem with the story is the photos of Sherrie and Harold. On reading the first story, I assumed that Harold had taken the pictures and was using them as blackmail material. In the second story it's clear that the protagonist took the pictures. Why would he send them to Sherrie, rather than just destroy them once Harold was dealt with? If it was as a warning or admonition not to stray again, then the protagonist moves from nice protective friend to sanctimonious prick.

In any case, I suspect the author was attempting to do a sketch. As such, he wanted to just outline the story and let the reader fill in the details. Given that, I believe the first-order works best. It's amusing though, that the second story gets better marks, while all the comments on the second story are scathing at best.

I really enjoyed the first version - not so this one.