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English
I know it's short
Sorry, once again, the chapters were formated to make sense in a novel, not on lit pages.
I know it's short! :D
Sorry to be so narrow minded, but you just validated bullying as a neat thing.
Do you know how many kids are going to get thrown into dumpsters by guys who want to be acknowledged just like Todd was in a graduation speech? Unbelievable.
And, "The building erupted"? Really? You have to know every Valedictorian is an ass kissing suck up. There's a rule somewhere. I'm glad you want your hero to be well liked and respected by his class mates, but erupting buildings in his honor just sounded kind of forced, exaggerated. Silly. Sorry, again, but this story is reading like it was written by Jack, when he was 16. Especially considering the graduation speech ended up being, all about him. Egocentric much? And it really makes sense the jealous clinging possessive Kimmy loved that his speech, when not focused on Jack, was focused on Beth. Seems he gave tribute to the girl who acknowledged his academic talents, and ignored the girl who introduced him to love, romance, and sexuality. I understand you need him to be in love with Beth for your plot, but you are making him be an ungrateful prick toward Kimmy. Especially when you bring his feelings for Anna into the mix. I think I'm starting to like Todd more than Jack. I hope you fix that.
Awesome
Beautiful, and classic! God, so true to life as I knew it that I cannot get over it so far. I suppose that publishers had their reasons, to much over sex or the like, but this story so far is the real mc coy
For this reader, five stars is not enough, it is in a class by itself
A key part of a senior year is missing
especially for the Valedictorian. To which universities did he apply? By whom was he accepted? and what did he factor in as he decided which one to accept?
Surely that will have a profound impact on his long term relationships and his career decisions. This process usually gets underway during the Junior year.
Beautifully done
I wish that I had thought of talking about my classmates rather than our teachers.
Right Bank has it right, the search for universities is very important for students like Jack and Abby. One thing that was clear to me was none of his friends will accompany him to the next level and for someone with his qualifications get strongly connected togirls can be a bad idea. Normally these relationships last only during the first year of college.
Missing details.
You guys are right, The original draft has a scene where he's looking through college brochures, trying to decide where to apply, agonizing over leaving Kimmy and his friends, and wondering what the heck to do. It got cut because the whole thing read like college advertisments amidst Jack being indecisive. I decided I already had enough of jack being waffly. I cover his choice of college's pretty clearly in the next couple of chapters, so I removed the whole scene for space.
Sometimes scenes get cut and you wonder after if it was the right choice.
Ultimately I could have filled the book with tiny details of Jack's day to day life, or other minor plot areas. When I was doing revisions I made the choice to cut everything that wasn't focused on his emotional state of mind or his relationships with the girls. It made the book more focused, but some stuff, like the important life stage of choosing a college, get left behind, and perhaps the continuity of the story suffers slightly for it.
But you're right, it is missing. Because it got left on the cutting room floor :-)
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