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Narrator/Time Confusion? Maybe its me, but I think I see a problem.
There has been something about the narration that has seemed inappropriate or confusing throughout your story. Like this line: "At least that's what I've kept telling myself. Fuck if I know anything about anything." That sounds like a comment the narrator would make if he were narrating at the actual time, when he was young and in the moment. But I thought the narration was in retrospect, 20 years or so after the fact. The guy telling the story is recollecting from when he was in college, no? So is the older guy saying he doesn't know fuck now, or he didn't know fuck then, or both?
More. The conversation with the penis was silly. Hope/Glad it worked for other readers. It only made you character appear juvenile. The whole impotency issue stemming from his dumping Kimmy was lame. If his psyche is that deep and vibrant, then how could he be so shallow and dense in ending his relationship with Kimmy? Plus, he's been fucking Anna non-stop since he broke with Kimmy, but now they are away at college with even more opportunity, and he can't get it up? Not believable.
I'm still withhold any rating for all chapters until I read to the finish and can judge how it all comes together. I am truly happy for you that so many readers are giving such high ratings. If I didn't think this story was worth reading I wouldn't be taking the time to make comments that are honest, and I hope, helpful.
really?
a cliff hanger to turn the page?
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