Wish you would had had them sober when Jamie found out Kyle was gay and liked him. But anyways good story, still wish there would have been another chapter before they had sex. Thanks.
by
Anonymous02/04/15
A few boo boos ruined a good story
The ending felt rushed. There is also the issue of them constantly drinking, Seems every time emotion is expressed in any way between these characters they're drunk. That is big issue for a relationship to deal with. Please write a sequel, or include them in another story where we can see they are still together and more importantly sober.
i enjoyed it but there were a few places where I think it was made confusing like the following:
"Be my boyfriend?" I asked while I played with his hair, watching where the cyan gave way to blonde. The color matched his eyes pretty well.
"I thought you'd never ask." I snickered.
"I'm still wishing I'd opened that nightstand months ago. I could've had this," He reached back to place a hand on my ass. "A long time ago."
When you put an action of the other person after a quote it usually reads like that is the person saying it.. like when Jamie is snickering after Kyle says 'I thought you'd never ask.'
and then next Jamie comments but you say he meaning kyle reached and grabbed his ass...it reads to me like kle is saying it as he reaches back...
Overall, enjoying the story and glad they finally figured shit out, though I hope they don't regret it in the a.m. nothing like rebounding :)
by
Anonymous02/24/15
more
you need to expand this story , another four pages ended to fast . over all a five star read, though a three for a short abrupt end . big j
English
OKAYYYYYYYYYYYY
I enjoyed reading this story but i would also love an epilogue to tie it up nicely
Wish they would have been sober
Wish you would had had them sober when Jamie found out Kyle was gay and liked him. But anyways good story, still wish there would have been another chapter before they had sex. Thanks.
A few boo boos ruined a good story
The ending felt rushed. There is also the issue of them constantly drinking, Seems every time emotion is expressed in any way between these characters they're drunk. That is big issue for a relationship to deal with. Please write a sequel, or include them in another story where we can see they are still together and more importantly sober.
i enjoyed it but there were a few places where I think it was made confusing like the following:
"Be my boyfriend?" I asked while I played with his hair, watching where the cyan gave way to blonde. The color matched his eyes pretty well.
"I thought you'd never ask." I snickered.
"I'm still wishing I'd opened that nightstand months ago. I could've had this," He reached back to place a hand on my ass. "A long time ago."
When you put an action of the other person after a quote it usually reads like that is the person saying it.. like when Jamie is snickering after Kyle says 'I thought you'd never ask.'
and then next Jamie comments but you say he meaning kyle reached and grabbed his ass...it reads to me like kle is saying it as he reaches back...
Overall, enjoying the story and glad they finally figured shit out, though I hope they don't regret it in the a.m. nothing like rebounding :)
more
you need to expand this story , another four pages ended to fast . over all a five star read, though a three for a short abrupt end . big j
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