by lengthylarry
... it seems a little surreal to me. Laary seemed to be satisfied with just handjobs. I will reiterate suggesting you use an editor. You needed one more in this story than the first one. At the very least, proof-read your stories before you submit them.
I'd like to say I enjoyed iy very much. I like the way he is shy and eases into things other then handjobs. As for the guy who thinks you need an editor, Come on man, I have read a lot worse, this is not hemingway here, just enjoy!!
The whole his little sister being a slut and sucking off that douche bag Tyson brought the chapter down significantly. That whole scene sucked it would have been better if it had been a normal party where Shawna brought some girls to see his cock instead of it being a sausage fest and them all being sluts.
I really like the script in this story. Looks like you used a spell checker, but a proof read will greatly enhance the reading so as not to be distracted by the obvious errors. Nothing wrong with using an editor.