Flower Girl Ch. 05

Brilliant.

another freat chapter

DB, i like how you methodically continue to build this story. Each chapter ratcheting up the dramatic interaction, the eroticism, the personalities of your characters.

Love the story immensely, but...

I would suggest you google trademark names when name dropping status brands. Spelling. I really hate people here calling authors out for 'mistakes' in grammar and spelling when the story is the important thing but these were enough to catch my attention and easily checked. 'Feragomo' for 'Ferragamo', 'Tagheur' for 'Tag Heuer', and in the first chapter, 'Shapiro' for 'Sapporo' . The last amused me, wondering where in Manhattan there was a kosher sushi joint. (There just has to be one, considering all the kosher Chinese restaurants there.)

I don't mean to criticize in any real way: you write 6-star stories. Just a friendly heads up. Sorry I could only give you 5.

Editing is difficult, and especially in a volunteer site like this, trivial issues like this are so minor, I hesitated to bring it up. Thank you for your wonderful writing.

Thanks Anon - Seriously

I don't usually comment on comments, but I since you put it here and not email, I just want to say thank you. You are right! I actually wrote Sapporo and I think spell check changed it and I didn't catch it. I make plenty of mistakes and hope they are not too distracting, but I appreciate you saying so and will correct those things on the final draft.

That evil little b----!

Another wonderful chapter.

But if you don't write a story called "Library Girl" where Melissa gets a thoroughly humiliating comeuppance, I will!

(I mean, if you gave me permission, I would.)

: )

Careful!

Be careful ISW! I might take that as an invitation to dance. ;)

Keep up the good work!

I don't usually comment on stories until I've read them to completion, but your newest creation Flower Girl has me on pins & needles awaiting the next chapter... I thought you did an exceptional job on Subway Girl and you continually improve. Your writing talent is truly a gift you give to your readers with your ability of keeping them engaged & your creative in depth character development is integral in achieving that goal. Can't wait for your next chapter, you are definitely one of the select few of this site that have the rare talent to be truly great.

Two or three dimensions

I'm sure you have this already done, edited and as such, so speculating on character development at this point is mute. I would think it would be easy to keep Melissa as the folly in this story, but this could also be such a rich character as well. I'm not saying likeable necessarily, but there is such potential. Thank you for keeping me up at night.

Perceptive

Wow! So eager was I to continue reading, I didn't even trip over the spelling issues noted by Anon. I cannot get over how nuanced and elegant your character development is throughout the story and story within. The pacing is perfect as are the interconnecting relationships, There is a tidy and compelling plot, this is a gift to Lit readers.

I'm glad you've inspired more reserved readers to comment. I'm learning from their remarks as well.

My that was fast

The fun loving couple get busy, while Andy and Vera realize they may have inappropriate feelings for the other. I am hooked , great story, get sex... another fast chapter.

Reluctant William

Rolling along nicely and the occasional typos/spelling errors are understandable in such a large work. What matters is the story and that continues to captivate; the characters have become even more rounded and the relationship has survived its first hiccup. But why is William reluctant to discuss his parents? Did friend John hint at riches? Onward...

I forgot to mention it before...

But I absolutely love when Tracy puts her hand over her mouth to say she hasn't brushed her teeth! It's such a delightful and endearing combination of body language and dialogue.

Wonderful

OMG! "...from church..."! She even wanted to introduce him to Tracy. I want to say, "too good to be true!" but that's just confusing. Foreshadowed in an earlier book! I loved Subway Girl and never would have believed you could have improved on it but this keeps getting better and better chapter by chapter.

Two very interesting stories.

I find the inner story is worth quite a bit more that the admission fee......
The outer story seems to be mostly erotic coupling with less romance..

A pleasure full read

Like a Russian doll; this is an exquisite story within a story. I wish there were more than 5 stars possible.

I am so glad

(in spite of the admonition from William) we are being treated to a story-within-a-story.
It is fun to watch as both plot lines develop.