Dave and Leroy Ch. 01

Too rushed

The pace of the story was too fast. I couldn't feel any emotions from the characters so you need to improve that too. But the writing was good. You should probably add these points to the next story.

Thank you

Thank you, I hope that Chapter 2 will help some, I hope it develops the characters a little more. There is more written just working on editing it as I go and add more to it. I tend to write in dialog first and then add narrative. So I hope that you like the next part. I like to hear feedback, thank you.

Very nice start!

I agree that there could be a little more character development and background, to make the readers feel for the guys more and a bit more sensuality and sensitivity could add to the love you've already depicted! All in all, a beautiful story is shaping up! Looking forward to more of your work!!

Beautiful

:-)

Ok start

A little rushed. No real emotion or feeling from the characters. Work on that more

No real emotion, names between son and father too confusing. Rushed ending. 2*