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English
Maybe Sci/fi?
But this was just plain silly.
How old are you?
You obviously don't have an understanding of the female anatomy. I don't think that you are old enough to view this site.
This story gave me whiplash.
Dude,
You've got talent, I just wish you'd shut the fuck up and actually USE IT! Posting your stories took balls and gumption. I applaud the effort because it's obvious you put a lot of time and thought into crafting this. BUT! (Yep, here it comes, so buckle up and prepare to be boarded.)
Decide on a perspective and stick to it. If you're gonna do a first person story, don't switch it up. If you're writing present tense in one sentence and past tense the next, you're just gonna make us nauseous from trying to keep up. Then, for god sake, stop trying to write like Heinlein 'cause you ain't him. You're not Arthur C. Clark either. And it's clear after reading both of your stories, that you did quite poorly in biology.
Erotic SciFi/Fantasy needs to be believable SciFi or Fantasy first, and then it needs to be believable erotica.
Write from your heart and not from your dick. You'll be happier, and so will we.
Posting your stories took balls and gumption. I applaud the effort because it's obvious you put a lot of time and thought into crafting this.
Dude, you can only do better, or so we all hope. So it goes. (Speaking of Vonnegut, read some of his stuff. Yeah, he's stuck in the sexism of the 1960's but he's a damned good teacher of how to write simple prose that expresses great depth.)
XOX,
Erin
Interesting
Not the worst I've ever read but ur writing screams ur a kid if u r then good try but only one issue a Hymen's inside a females body don't ever use it unless u writing bout a virgin Congrats ur taking ur first steps into being a writer
LOVE Lesly J
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