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English
didnt care for it
almost mindless
Why?
Why would I bother?
Gave it a 5 to help the mindless
and to piss off dear annony! Hey asshole!!!
It wasnt the worst I've read, so I guess that's something.
I can't believe you're going to make another one though.
Editor
Bluntly, the concept is fairly pedestrian, except that Sweetie has substantial disrespect for her Boss/mark - and only mild fondness for her Hubby. So far, she is either not impressed with men-in-general OR has a (so-far-unmentioned) Bull in the background who rocks her libido.
That is the GOOD(ish) news. The BAD news is that Hiero's word mechanics are TERRIBLE. Lots of important words are just plain OMITTED, and no awareness is apparent about the difference between 'regular' pronouns and possessive pronouns ('him dick' vs 'his dick'), an oft-repeated error.
The title SHOULD have SOME relevance, but the reader only knows about her ass (as appreciated by a slug!) and her aureolas. Nothing about Sweetie's height is even mentioned, let along having any REAL relevance in the saga!
Hubby Carlos is NOT neglected totally in the tale to date, but is pretty marginal. His role seems to be willing (but perhaps not obligate) cuckold.
2*. At this point, the ONLY reason I can imagine wanting to read Ch2 is to see if Hiero can either pick up some writing-skills himself, or decide to select a volunteer editor (and perhaps to more accurately determine Hubby's role.)
Great Story
I loved it, especially the detached nature of the central character. Looking forward to Ch. 02.
Gave it a 1 to help the mindless
bonnie who has anger issues. Get help dear, life is too short to be so angry. After all it's just a story and a bad one at that. Have a nice day dearest. Isn't this fun?
Editor, Redux
Don't usually take two bites, but it dawns on me that the MOST egregious fault in Hiero's tale is that it is posted in litEROTICA. Their is nothing erotic in the story. Only one person enjoys the reluctant BJ and he has no discernible positive qualities! The 'doctor' would fuck an eggplant, then buy it a necklace in appreciation. This is an ANTI-stroke story. Turn rebar into a wet noodle!
The only pleasure for Sweetie and Hubby seems to lie in ridiculing their boss afterwards. Hiero needs (IMHO) an editor who will critique the basic theme before worrying about grammar.
Oops .. erratum
'There' vice 'Their'.
Is THERE an editor for comments?
Awkward! Abject apologies!
A very confusing story...
This is a very confusing story...Who is who, who says what...Only one certainty: she is a woman with no heart, no feelings for anybody else!! I'm not sure if she loves her children...There is only one person for her to love: herself...So a sad and bad story...
The texting confused me...
Who was texting who?
Full of technical issues, and frankly, a depressing story....
....for anybody that isn't a woman-hater.
It was like walking into the middle of a lurid conversation between the two office sluts. It kind of lowers the IQ of any reader, and demoralizes people in the vicinity, all at the same time.
Just like some people should never marry, you should never write.
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