What elevates this story above the rest is honesty, the thread of honesty that runs through the core of the story and (most of) its characters. Tracy miscarries but has mixed feelings about it, and yet, instead of feeling guilty to be relieved to some extent, she shares that truth with her partner so they can keep building their relationship on reality instead of roles and expectations. William is, not surprisingly, still a step or so behind on that, but we are confident that he will learn, over time he will learn. Also, the roadblocks and moments of peril common to romances are here, but are dealt with maturely by grown up, albeit flawed, characters, and resolved in minutes instead of months or years. The story never stalls, never loses it way, the characters never betray their true nature just to serve a plot point.
I loved how Tracy cared so much about her fictional characters, because that's how much I cared about Tracy, William, Beth, Nana/Beverly, John and the rest.
I couldn't help but read this chapter with a growing sense of dread: here, a minute after we entered it, this rich, fascinating world is coming to an end. This story is a novel, and is novel length, but it was so well written, so well constructed that it felt like a 90 second roller coaster ride: ups, downs, thrills, excitement, heartbreak, and time to get off the ride.
My only regret is that I won't get to wake up to Tracy tomorrow. Wonderful story, wonderful writing, please let us visit this world again, DB.
DB, i have to compliment you for the "Flower Girl". Sad and funny and unresolved, just like real life.
I hope your muse incites you with the inspiration to write Beverly 'Nana' Wilcox's story?? It'd be a hoot!
by
Anonymous02/07/15
Wow
I've been reading stories on this site for a long while and you are the most brilliant writer that I have come across. Great Work! Looking forward to the next one.
by
Anonymous02/08/15
Another Baby
I have, now the last chapter, that ANDY will get Tracy pregnant......cause I think he was the father of the first baby........think about it......
By spilling the beans that we're friends, you've guaranteed that everyone will think I have a conflict of interest if I leave a positive comment. My credibility is shot! I can only hope that by roundly criticizing you for this situation, I'll earn back some margin of believability. Of course, even better would be for me to say a bunch of bad things about this closing chapter, in the harshest possible terms, so everyone would know I don't take it easy on my friends. But to do that I'd have to find something to be critical of, which I keep trying to do and can't. It's just the perfect ending, and it made my eyes tear up in at least three different places.
Read the entire story in two sessions and must say that I am very impressed with your ability to draw complex characters and surround them with great dialog. I gave you five stars and would have seriously considered a higher rating if it were available. Looking forward to your next story. Please.
by
Anonymous02/08/15
Disppontment
I liked the story to a point. It was somewhat suspenseful. But based on the story line, it is incomplete. Looks to need another 2-3 chapters to complete the story. You left the reader (me) hanging. We don't know how Willuam was able to afford the place where he lived. The Ob/Gyn who confirmed Tracy's pregnancy was guilty of malpractice. How was it that she did not remove the IUD once Tracy was pregnant? Did they stay together ever after, or split? I don't mind suspense, but incomplete is not good.
Avidfa is spot on. I find the honesty and consideration your characters exhibit refreshing. It's what elevates your stories from fairy tales to romantic fiction. Another reader perceptively commented on how true to life the resolutions (and lack thereof) are in your plot development. I'm left feeling genuinely hopeful for the couple and respect them for not rushing into marriage.
One Anon offered some criticisms which I second. I loved the story but do feel the last two chapters were somehow rushed. A few paragraphs that address William's wealth would do the trick. You've successfully engaged the reader in his own family's tragedies which perfectly explain his behavior and feelings towards having children.
I'd expect Tracy's obgyn would have performed a thorough exam prior to the ultrasound during which the IUD would have been discovered, etc. You don't need to use that to explain the miscarriage. It's a terribly sad event but really does allow William and Tracy to re-examine their relationship and it's consistent with the overall story since life doesn't always work out as planned and you've explored how bad things happen to good people.
Thank you very much for sharing, I look forward to learning more about John. Not so much re Melissa -- even though her character is the least explored of the lot.
This is a well-written story. Good plot development. Likable characters and smoking hot scenes. I very much enjoyed it. Agree with some commenters that you could have fleshed out Willaim's background a little more, but the family mental illness piece is spot on. Thank you. Excellent story telling.
by
Anonymous02/09/15
Great story
Finally, someone that writes like they are living it. About time to put aside the 44DD's and 10 inch cocks along with unrealistic fucking. Great content and story line.
by
Anonymous02/13/15
And so it ends
I find the characters and detailed discriptions completely engrossing. I have a vivid mental picture of every character, from Tracys first date outfit, to Veras apartment. I feel Like I was brought on a journey with both couples, shared in the excitement of the first kiss to the intense disappointment of the miscarrage. I just wanted to give my input and thank you Donna for sharing your book with us. If I had to find a flaw, it would have been chap 7, which for some reason I felt disconnected. It didnt last long. Thanks again!!
by
Anonymous02/14/15
Wow
Well done. Even better than subway girl. What is up with a few commenters not knowing where William's money came from? Seems like they skipped a chapter. Looking forward to another New York - girl story from you. Also the story within a story was great and it was fun to hear Tracy talk about writing. As a reader I sometimes forget about the author being a real person making decisions and feeling insecure. It made me feel a connection, or else I am wrong to assume you've felt like Tracy. Either way, very original and creative story. Hot, sexy, romantic, and dealing with real issues.
As I've commented on several previous chapters, this was very nicely done, especially in conveying well-rounded, interesting characters surrounded by well-drawn minor secondary characters that also felt very real. Yes, you could have fleshed out some things here and there, but none were critical to the story. The only thing that I think you might try improving is your dialog - most of the time it flows very naturally, but occasionally it seems too wooden. That worked frequently in the story because it fits William's OCD - I can see him have a more formal mode of address and carrying on a conversation that others around him, but in the case of others, it was more obvious. You might think about adding a few more contractions, a tad of slang, sentences that aren't necessarily completed, in order to more truly mimic real dialog.
That's only my humble opinion, and I mention it only because the story was so terrific in all its other aspects. Good luck with your future projects.
So that's that: William and Tracy don't ride off into the sunset like Andy and Vera - but at least they are looking at it. Through their trials and traumatic events, they've grown as people and as a couple. It's another accomplished work Donna and I know you can polish it with your next edit.
by
Anonymous05/03/15
Please do not quit at three.
I read Subway girl as it was posted, and could not stand the wait. Read this one straight through, much better for me. I am very grateful for the time and thought you put into your stories. The story is better than the sum of its parts. Not predictable not written by formula but believable; your characters can live in my mind. It is fun to see a reference to the Subway Girls people, thanks!
loved the story 5 stars until the end, Andy and Vera great ending for them BUT for me you lost me with that ending with my Tracy and William. I was hoping for a proper closure for them. I was hoping William would propose and marry Tracy a proper commitment to each other and they indeed have a baby at the end and live happily ever after but they just committed to bang like bunnies for the rest of their lives ..Makes me think twice now if I should read Subway girl. Anyway my opinion my vote 5 stars minus 1 for the ending 4 stars overall...
by
Anonymous07/06/15
Great JOB!
I too am clamouring for a Nana Wilcox story. I would love to see more Tracy and John well all of your characters actually. You write so sensitively. Thank you for sharing these characters with us.
I finished the series, and I love it. I am looking forward to writing about Amy and whoever the other series is about. This is very well written. Bravo.
I love Tracy and William, but the peripheral characters are wonderful as well. John was an enigma when I first read about him, but I got it later. I just love the development of the characters. One of the things I try and do and you seem to have mastered, is provide little things the character does that are not explained until the story matures and the reader has moved further into the relationship the reader has with the characters. I am still struggling a little with that, but I love the way you put it together. I will be coming back and rereading with an eye toward watching that. You are teaching me and I appreciate it. Especially at my age.
You know the Cubs are in the playoffs, and the media is talking about Steve Bartman. As for your alter ego Vera, I would love to see you in a" babydoll nighty". Trudy Cambell was sporting them on Madmen, all legs and nighty.....
Mmmmm, see you tuesday. I hope the menu hasn't changed, I want what I want.
by
Anonymous12/03/15
I Want to Read More
I finished Subway Girl and then Flower Girl and thought both were outstanding. It's nice how you provide clues to multiple story interconnects. Looking forward to reading Runner Girl next. Just love your character development--it seems so natural.
How about a swimmer girl---she meets guy at a Community Pool, both like kayaking, visit to friend's cottage, etc.
What a fantastic story, Very well told with the description of the characters bringing them to life. It was refreshing to read a flowing story with continuity and not littered with conflicting facts. Loved it.
by
Anonymous01/03/16
Just noticed...
I just noticed both Subway Girl and Flower Girl have this exchange (maybe not verbatim, but):
"It would have been so much worse if I were home alone."
"I thought the same thing."
I LOVE when authors do things like that!
Beautiful writing, beautiful story, beautiful characters, beautiful sex. Donna you are a wonderful author. My second time through the trilogy and I can't wait to start Runner Girl again.
Amy & John
Question mark hanging over having children now or later
Moving to next level and living together
Meeting Tracy's family putting brother in law and father back in box
William's baseball prowess
As I say great story but just feels rushed at the end.
I'm so sad you ended it here. Reminds me of an old TV show, "so many stories in the big city, this has been just one of them". Oh well, on to running girl!
by
Anonymous09/24/16
Nice read. But I don't quite appreciate the end. It felt a little bit rushed
English
A Gem
Nicely done Ms. Beck!!!! Nicely done. A very well written entertaining story. I look forward to getting my 'library' card next. Lol
Good luck with your plans!
Thank you!!!
M1*****
Superb!
What elevates this story above the rest is honesty, the thread of honesty that runs through the core of the story and (most of) its characters. Tracy miscarries but has mixed feelings about it, and yet, instead of feeling guilty to be relieved to some extent, she shares that truth with her partner so they can keep building their relationship on reality instead of roles and expectations. William is, not surprisingly, still a step or so behind on that, but we are confident that he will learn, over time he will learn. Also, the roadblocks and moments of peril common to romances are here, but are dealt with maturely by grown up, albeit flawed, characters, and resolved in minutes instead of months or years. The story never stalls, never loses it way, the characters never betray their true nature just to serve a plot point.
I loved how Tracy cared so much about her fictional characters, because that's how much I cared about Tracy, William, Beth, Nana/Beverly, John and the rest.
I couldn't help but read this chapter with a growing sense of dread: here, a minute after we entered it, this rich, fascinating world is coming to an end. This story is a novel, and is novel length, but it was so well written, so well constructed that it felt like a 90 second roller coaster ride: ups, downs, thrills, excitement, heartbreak, and time to get off the ride.
My only regret is that I won't get to wake up to Tracy tomorrow. Wonderful story, wonderful writing, please let us visit this world again, DB.
Loved every minute of it!
DB, i have to compliment you for the "Flower Girl". Sad and funny and unresolved, just like real life.
I hope your muse incites you with the inspiration to write Beverly 'Nana' Wilcox's story?? It'd be a hoot!
Wow
I've been reading stories on this site for a long while and you are the most brilliant writer that I have come across. Great Work! Looking forward to the next one.
Another Baby
I have, now the last chapter, that ANDY will get Tracy pregnant......cause I think he was the father of the first baby........think about it......
Well, now you've done it!
By spilling the beans that we're friends, you've guaranteed that everyone will think I have a conflict of interest if I leave a positive comment. My credibility is shot! I can only hope that by roundly criticizing you for this situation, I'll earn back some margin of believability. Of course, even better would be for me to say a bunch of bad things about this closing chapter, in the harshest possible terms, so everyone would know I don't take it easy on my friends. But to do that I'd have to find something to be critical of, which I keep trying to do and can't. It's just the perfect ending, and it made my eyes tear up in at least three different places.
You can be so inconsiderate sometimes, Donna.
Read the entire story in two sessions and must say that I am very impressed with your ability to draw complex characters and surround them with great dialog. I gave you five stars and would have seriously considered a higher rating if it were available. Looking forward to your next story. Please.
Disppontment
I liked the story to a point. It was somewhat suspenseful. But based on the story line, it is incomplete. Looks to need another 2-3 chapters to complete the story. You left the reader (me) hanging. We don't know how Willuam was able to afford the place where he lived. The Ob/Gyn who confirmed Tracy's pregnancy was guilty of malpractice. How was it that she did not remove the IUD once Tracy was pregnant? Did they stay together ever after, or split? I don't mind suspense, but incomplete is not good.
Refreshing
Avidfa is spot on. I find the honesty and consideration your characters exhibit refreshing. It's what elevates your stories from fairy tales to romantic fiction. Another reader perceptively commented on how true to life the resolutions (and lack thereof) are in your plot development. I'm left feeling genuinely hopeful for the couple and respect them for not rushing into marriage.
One Anon offered some criticisms which I second. I loved the story but do feel the last two chapters were somehow rushed. A few paragraphs that address William's wealth would do the trick. You've successfully engaged the reader in his own family's tragedies which perfectly explain his behavior and feelings towards having children.
I'd expect Tracy's obgyn would have performed a thorough exam prior to the ultrasound during which the IUD would have been discovered, etc. You don't need to use that to explain the miscarriage. It's a terribly sad event but really does allow William and Tracy to re-examine their relationship and it's consistent with the overall story since life doesn't always work out as planned and you've explored how bad things happen to good people.
Thank you very much for sharing, I look forward to learning more about John. Not so much re Melissa -- even though her character is the least explored of the lot.
Nice, well done story but ...
This is a well-written story. Good plot development. Likable characters and smoking hot scenes. I very much enjoyed it. Agree with some commenters that you could have fleshed out Willaim's background a little more, but the family mental illness piece is spot on. Thank you. Excellent story telling.
Great story
Finally, someone that writes like they are living it. About time to put aside the 44DD's and 10 inch cocks along with unrealistic fucking. Great content and story line.
And so it ends
I find the characters and detailed discriptions completely engrossing. I have a vivid mental picture of every character, from Tracys first date outfit, to Veras apartment. I feel Like I was brought on a journey with both couples, shared in the excitement of the first kiss to the intense disappointment of the miscarrage. I just wanted to give my input and thank you Donna for sharing your book with us. If I had to find a flaw, it would have been chap 7, which for some reason I felt disconnected. It didnt last long. Thanks again!!
Wow
Well done. Even better than subway girl. What is up with a few commenters not knowing where William's money came from? Seems like they skipped a chapter. Looking forward to another New York - girl story from you. Also the story within a story was great and it was fun to hear Tracy talk about writing. As a reader I sometimes forget about the author being a real person making decisions and feeling insecure. It made me feel a connection, or else I am wrong to assume you've felt like Tracy. Either way, very original and creative story. Hot, sexy, romantic, and dealing with real issues.
Very well done
As I've commented on several previous chapters, this was very nicely done, especially in conveying well-rounded, interesting characters surrounded by well-drawn minor secondary characters that also felt very real. Yes, you could have fleshed out some things here and there, but none were critical to the story. The only thing that I think you might try improving is your dialog - most of the time it flows very naturally, but occasionally it seems too wooden. That worked frequently in the story because it fits William's OCD - I can see him have a more formal mode of address and carrying on a conversation that others around him, but in the case of others, it was more obvious. You might think about adding a few more contractions, a tad of slang, sentences that aren't necessarily completed, in order to more truly mimic real dialog.
That's only my humble opinion, and I mention it only because the story was so terrific in all its other aspects. Good luck with your future projects.
agreed
Very well done. Great story line. Great character development. As good as 'Subway' if not better. I look forward to your next story.
Accomplished
So that's that: William and Tracy don't ride off into the sunset like Andy and Vera - but at least they are looking at it. Through their trials and traumatic events, they've grown as people and as a couple. It's another accomplished work Donna and I know you can polish it with your next edit.
Please do not quit at three.
I read Subway girl as it was posted, and could not stand the wait. Read this one straight through, much better for me. I am very grateful for the time and thought you put into your stories. The story is better than the sum of its parts. Not predictable not written by formula but believable; your characters can live in my mind. It is fun to see a reference to the Subway Girls people, thanks!
Ah
Most excellent
Disappointed
loved the story 5 stars until the end, Andy and Vera great ending for them BUT for me you lost me with that ending with my Tracy and William. I was hoping for a proper closure for them. I was hoping William would propose and marry Tracy a proper commitment to each other and they indeed have a baby at the end and live happily ever after but they just committed to bang like bunnies for the rest of their lives ..Makes me think twice now if I should read Subway girl. Anyway my opinion my vote 5 stars minus 1 for the ending 4 stars overall...
Great JOB!
I too am clamouring for a Nana Wilcox story. I would love to see more Tracy and John well all of your characters actually. You write so sensitively. Thank you for sharing these characters with us.
Whole Series
I finished the series, and I love it. I am looking forward to writing about Amy and whoever the other series is about. This is very well written. Bravo.
I love Tracy and William, but the peripheral characters are wonderful as well. John was an enigma when I first read about him, but I got it later. I just love the development of the characters. One of the things I try and do and you seem to have mastered, is provide little things the character does that are not explained until the story matures and the reader has moved further into the relationship the reader has with the characters. I am still struggling a little with that, but I love the way you put it together. I will be coming back and rereading with an eye toward watching that. You are teaching me and I appreciate it. Especially at my age.
Clairvoyant ?
You know the Cubs are in the playoffs, and the media is talking about Steve Bartman. As for your alter ego Vera, I would love to see you in a" babydoll nighty". Trudy Cambell was sporting them on Madmen, all legs and nighty.....
Mmmmm, see you tuesday. I hope the menu hasn't changed, I want what I want.
I Want to Read More
I finished Subway Girl and then Flower Girl and thought both were outstanding. It's nice how you provide clues to multiple story interconnects. Looking forward to reading Runner Girl next. Just love your character development--it seems so natural.
How about a swimmer girl---she meets guy at a Community Pool, both like kayaking, visit to friend's cottage, etc.
A Canadian Fan.
WOW
What a fantastic story, Very well told with the description of the characters bringing them to life. It was refreshing to read a flowing story with continuity and not littered with conflicting facts. Loved it.
Just noticed...
I just noticed both Subway Girl and Flower Girl have this exchange (maybe not verbatim, but):
"It would have been so much worse if I were home alone."
"I thought the same thing."
I LOVE when authors do things like that!
Beautiful writing, beautiful story, beautiful characters, beautiful sex. Donna you are a wonderful author. My second time through the trilogy and I can't wait to start Runner Girl again.
Enjoyed but
Last two chapters just felt a bit rushed.
Still seems to be more to tell.
Amy & John
Question mark hanging over having children now or later
Moving to next level and living together
Meeting Tracy's family putting brother in law and father back in box
William's baseball prowess
As I say great story but just feels rushed at the end.
Aha
Just moved on to runner girl. Amy & John :-)
is it ended?
there are so many unfinished and untold stories. One bone to pick, 60's = historical piece? Really?
So sad
I'm so sad you ended it here. Reminds me of an old TV show, "so many stories in the big city, this has been just one of them". Oh well, on to running girl!
Nice read. But I don't quite appreciate the end. It felt a little bit rushed
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