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English
AS OF NOW SHE HAS GOT HER WISH
at a terrific price to her husband...Happy-Happy-Happy...TK U MLJ LV NV
Reality?
Depression sucks. I would imagine this scene happens more often in real life than we would care to imagine. She's planning to come back and tell him she's leaving? Guess he short shanked that conversation permanently. One permanent alternative to the cheating wife. Thanks for posting this. Quite the reality check.
Damn
Erotic Couplings? Put this in the new category I just invented, called "Stupid Cunts." Fits right in.
did he drive her away?
or did SHE drive him to suicide?
Neither was prepared to be held accountable for their actions. No this isn't a story about a lazy husband, nor even a cheating bitch. It is a story about the destructive forces of depression. Hardly erotic couplings material, but then again, people try to convince others that tales of the mentally ill are erotic all the time on this site.
Surprised you didn't post in LW?!? Maybe you are getting tired of the poor response there for your work in the comments? I hope that the commenters here will also show you that you need to work harder and longer on your stories. Better character development, and needed attention to detail. The tense changes from !st person to 3rd person in her narrative were paricularly grating. Meanwhile, the bleak outlook you have for your males, really prevent a large response of likeability for these stories. You DO have some interesting ideas, but never once have I read a story of yours that explored it fully to its potential. You shut down the tale with brevity, and all that accomplishes is leaving a bad taste in the mouth of your readers.
I don't want you to stop writing, but you need to work harder on your submissions. Whatever the category choice, the readers still want some quality. Can you deliver?
Thanks.***
For the read.
Depression is...
and isn't hard to see and diagnose. Poor Steve needed someone, but the little lady just didn't see it. I've got a similar story outlined, but my hero doesn't cash in like yours did. Who knows; maybe I'll eventually write mine now. If I do I'll credit you for the inspiration.
4*s
One of the few stories you post that is complete. Good character development.
Well written dialogue. Gave you 4*s, goo.
I don't like that she cheated. Don't like that he gave up and killed himself. But the way you wrote it everything fit very well.
I have to commend you little goo, you can improve !
Thanks
AMerryMan
Looking back
You can see he struggled with depression. The thing is, if she had no knowledge of the effects of depression, and he didn't seek out a solution for his problems, how was she to know.
She shouldn't have cheated. But I can understand why she did. What she should have done was, years earlier, tell him she was going to leave if he didn't change.
Mental illness or not, he let her down. By not being as helpful and supportive as he should have been, and by not seeking help.
Wrong one
The wrong one died. The husband should have either left her or killed her instead of himself.
Pretty Awful
And the neighbors never heard the gunshot?
Terribly Written Story
You changed back and forth several times from first person to third person. It made me dizzy trying to change gears so much. So she was in a bad marriage because her husband was lazy, but in the end she wanted to stay because she had people waiting on her. Now she could be lazy like her husband had been. Greg came to see her but no mention of her children. Their father had committed suicide. Their mother had a total breakdown, but not one mention of their children. This story needed a lot of help.
That woman needs to be terminated...
. . so she will not cost the community anymore!
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