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Total Control

byCoral©
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Comments (3)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous01/02/06

Its ok.... BUT...

No time taken to flesh out stories...

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by Anonymous01/24/08

it's all right

could have taken more time on the story

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by DaddysGoldenGirl10/12/14

The concept is good....

However, you need to take more time to build your characters and set the scene. For example, why was Paulette different? What had you done to turn the basement into a play den? All this is important to your readers.

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