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Not bad for a first
A good start
But, please get an editor... the spelling was a distraction.
So...
... what the heck does the eidetic memory do for him other than get him the job? You could have used that in a much more satisfying way. Anybody can get a bookstore job. Also, the cataloguing of the family, ages, and relationships was a bit clinical. What is the point of knowing he has an older and younger sister if you don't go anywhere with the characters? Who cares how old they are in the context of the story? Where did he get the nerve to go in the room and fuck the shit out of the boss? What character background do we have? Are we to assume that all young black men revel in grabbing an opportunity like this? Add in that hubby hasn't fucked her in 2.5 years and the last time she got rocked was by a male prostitute that hubby paid for? Why the fuck would she ever be worried about being married and fucking another guy if hubby PAID for the last one? Where is that aspect going? Just a couple of things to chew on.
good start, keep going.
Good start, keep going. Who reads these checking for spelling so they can criticize? Weird thing to do.
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