Christmas Cookies

Yeah

Ho Ho Ho. Merry Christmas. Doesn't get any better.

So I'm a procrastinator
Five Holiday Stars

Great Story

Really good work

Bull!

Nothing written in 2nd person and in present tense is well written unless it's an instruction manual. When are you writers going to learn?

A good and funny story...

A good and funny story...Easily 4+ *, but being written in the 2nd person and in present tense lower it to just a 3*...If she was in the action, why the need to tell her what is happening?

I am not in the story so stop talking to me. Stories written in 2nd person never ever work...just sayin.

Gotta Agree

I absolutely detest stories written in the 2nd person. Stopped reading after the first couple of lines. It just doesn't work in stuff like this. At least you didn't go down the cuckold road with that point of view. You would have been SKEWERED. And rightfully so. 1*

Stupid

Weird ass writing style. Dont try it anymore. #2

Double (or more) Trouble

First, it is much more of a Romance or Erotic Coupling than LW. Hubby is kinda adventurous, Sweetie much less so! She is, in fact, a TLW, and it sounds like she is a keeper!

Second, as previously and repeatedly addressed, it is in SECOND person. Very awkward to read since it PRETENDS 'We The Readers' are observers, which we are clearly NOT. We are auditors ... hearing about an event which has already culminated. And that allows the kind of error (example below) which makes the tale even more awkward to read!

Third, Sweetie has accepted being Mrs. Claus BUT ... is allowing 'Tim' to molest her (unless Tim is Santa's given name!)

2*

It's not fucking Christmas, is it.

Really soft and not the stuff I give a fuck about reading. 1*

***

Didn't get very good reception to your 1st LW. Belongs in "romance" I'd say. It was okay. Better luck next go. Cheers!

not there

The really simple reason this story gets a poor reception is because it is written in second person and present tense.

Second person present tense only works for assembly or operating instructions, and even many of them are poorly written.

I'm not there, you should tell it as if you were telling someone about what happened.

Nice Fun Read****

Thanks for sharing.

A very sexy, fun interlude....

...for Mr. and Mrs. Claus.
Um.....who's Jim? ;-]

Keep trying. And talk to some women or medical people about yeast infections.

You don't really want to be putting any kind of sugar in a woman's vagina. Sorry if that spoils the mood, but knowledge is power. You won't keep many female lovers if they think you don't respect their health nor understand their bodies. Keep writing, but as mentioned, change the tense or person perspective. Works much better.

No worries

The yeast infection might be cleared up by New Years, Valentine's Day for sure.