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5 stars
Very good story so that got the vote. You need a proofreader or editor to help with the flow of the story as I got confused with Jessica's reactions for a few minutes. But I really liked the story, so please keep writing
Good story
Good story, but needs an editor.
Great for a First Effort
That first story is a tough one. Not to get it on paper (or into the computer), but to get it just right. Proofreading is a skill that is developed. You have to learn to see what is actually on the page instead of what you THINK is there. It's hard because your mind sees the story complete and perfect. So, next time, stand back a little. Write it down and then take a week away from it so that when you come back that connection isn't so strong. That's when you'll start to see the problems in grammar and construction. You will end up making a good story better.
Three's a crowd
A nice crowd. Should happen more often.
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