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Another sloppy tale by a sloppy author.
Clearly another "1". score
I. I, I, I, i, I......ad nauseum
Starting EVERY SENTENCE with "I" is the sure sign of an incompetent writer.
Wake up, fool.
annony tell anyone how to write is
like the same as the way he she it, leaves it's name!!!! Fuck off dumbass I gave it a 5
One couple having fun...
This story is about a couple having fun...The problem? She fucks a lot os strangers without protection? Or they live in a world free of diseases?
re: anonymous-annony tell anyone how to write it
Hell of a statement coming from anonymous herself, or did you forget to sign in again bonnie dear? Anything this cuck writer posts gets an automatic 1* without even reading. It's non-erotic trash. Period. I gave it a 1. Satisfied now bonnie? Isn't this fun?
anything dear annony that I see I will vote a 5
so fuck your eyes out,.
Got you out of hiding dear bonnie.
Anytime you make a comment, anonymous or not, the story will get an automatic 1 star. The authors can thank you for that. 1* Isn't this a fun game, bonnie dear?
"fuck my eyes out" ? Sexy, coming from you. When do you want to start?
i believe
bonnie taylor found her calling because it is not writing but whining about other people comments, she is not only a sick fuck but a dumb sick fuck i known your parents would be proud of the way you turn out.
Narration - 100%
Narration tends to not allow story-characters to develop. We the Readers don't know how the 'lucky victims' feel (except 'hard'), nor even how Sweetie is reacting or planning ... just what her motions are at each stage! Hell, except for Hubby's Control Freakiness being confirmed, we aren't even told how HE is reacting!
2*
The "I's" have it
This was just terribly written drivel. You don't have to go any further than starting seemingly every sentence with "I". Did you even bother to proof read this mess? And why would he want to stick his dick anywhere near her disease ridden cunt? Really? You thought this was erotic or interesting? It was just disgusting. Adding to the ugly story you get the queen of the Trolls BT chiming in with her usual insanity and the whole thing goes to hell in a handbag.
Yep the I's have it.
Weird writing style. Willing cuckold stories are not erotic but then what does one expect from a person that calls himself "Wifeswatcher". Moving on.
Poor writing style
Not a particularly good writing style. Going back and forth between a third person narrative and a first person makes this hard to read and follow.
In looking at prior scores it's obvious this idiot scrums scores.
Don't do any good to point out what a worthless shit the author is..he will keep posting crap.
NOT BAD!
Somebody correct me if I'm wrong, but I think this story is written in 1st person-present tense. If so, the Anon who bitches about every paragraph starting with 'I' is not nearly as correct as we might think at first. I went back and reread the story. I saw what I think is the best 1st/present story I've read. Now if you want to claim it's an awkward style to chose, I'm with you all the way; it has too many limitations.
If some of you who post as anonymous bothered to proofread your comments, you might develop a tolerance for others. (try your instead of you're and vice versa. Ex. You're going to take your dog to the vet today.) Easy, ain't it?
Anyway, I gave you a 4. Keep writing and good luck.
Another for the litter bin. Click!
There's no fixing this dish with an adjustment in the spice. This is shit on a shingle. Just dump it and go back to your newspaper route.
It's hard to please the Loving Wife Mafia
An interesting story, if you're not looking for a cheat-wife tale (which many here are--and I admit to liking those). I think the guy should keep writing and ignore those who hate the very concept of the story. Frankly, Literotica ought to add a "Cheating Wife" category, but what are you gonna do?
sick
Sick. Very sick. Please do the world a very big favor and don't EVER have children so you can't pass on your perverted beliefs. In fact it would be best if you devoted your life to winning an outstanding Darwin Award.
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