No real character development, not depth of character, no build up to anything and then ended with nothing developed and no feeling for characters. Start over and put some EFFORT into your writing. Now rated *, WITH EFFORT AND WORK COULD BE A *****.
by
Anonymous02/20/15
don't bother
If you can't do any better don't waste you time
by
Anonymous02/20/15
And....
Okay the characters are asian, you described them...why do we care? If it's only because they are "exotic" ,than you need to look at character development to understand what makes a good story. Even the average porn movie tends to have a little more development.
Keep trying and developing. You at least had the courage to post, something which many others never do.
by
Anonymous02/21/15
why change the names
i read this story before and it wasn't the same players
English
Are You Kidding?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
No real character development, not depth of character, no build up to anything and then ended with nothing developed and no feeling for characters. Start over and put some EFFORT into your writing. Now rated *, WITH EFFORT AND WORK COULD BE A *****.
don't bother
If you can't do any better don't waste you time
And....
Okay the characters are asian, you described them...why do we care? If it's only because they are "exotic" ,than you need to look at character development to understand what makes a good story. Even the average porn movie tends to have a little more development.
Keep trying and developing. You at least had the courage to post, something which many others never do.
why change the names
i read this story before and it wasn't the same players
didnt read it
just clicked thru to give u 5 stars just for the title!
gave it a 5 to help destroy
the asshole annony!
It's a good start!
Ended on a strange note though.
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